Border Patrol by Brother Warren - A pair of border patrol agents get more than they bargained for on a routine patrol.  Short, Drama

This one was funny! Including the cover page! "Unregistered version of FADE IN." Don't want to be contacted!

Well written and I enjoyed the story a LOT. I won't say anymore since I don't want to spoil the fun for anyone.  

This one is looney. It's a funny little tale, and it nails the "chase" aspect of the challenge. But this has way too much dialog IMO. One of the challenges was "minimal dialog", so you're definitely gonna lose points there.

Writing is solid for the most part, with a few awkwardly phrased lines of prose.

Good job on getting something in.

This had good banter and suspense. You were a bit tardy getting to the actual chase but I enjoyed the characters and the tale you wove. It was overall a bit of a slight affair but the ending gave it the kick it needed.

I think it's fair to say you're accomplished enough to wholly invest in the software.

So, I'm on page 3 and I don't know what it's about.

I think it's imperative you show what the characters are aiming for from the very first pages. So, you have them talking from the very beginning but I'm having hard time understanding what they want and what the talk is about.
What's offensive - the tech phrase? It doesn't go with the premise, right? it's supposed to make us understand their personalities. But instead it made me think too much.
It's well written and all, I just think you need to make it clearer.

I did have to read this one twice to get my head around what happened at the end, which is most likely down to me being dense. Then I remembered the Road Runner cartoons from way back and then the mini tornados made sense, and yeah, funny

Wasn't down at all with the animals both being shot but now remembering them as cartoon characters, and quite annoying ones, that's now funny too.

Well written, though a fair bit of dialogue and the chase element was there but fairly minimal.

Nevertheless, enjoyable!

The only thing that I have to add is that I could have done without the gunshots.

Ironically, I liked the choice of firearm manufacturer. But still, I would have preferred a, "How do we explain this?" kind of ending.

Anyway, this was quite amusing. I did not expect this to end the way it did.

P.S. - I see that you used a demo version of Fade In. It's what I use, and I am very happy with my purchase. It has many of the features of Final Draft and everything that I need. I can include graphics on any page and dialog where two people speak simultaneously. I am able to import text from a PDF and reformat it into Characters, Dialog, Scene Headings, etc. without having to retype the whole document from scratch.

The one feature it doesn't have (that I know of) is text-to-speech to play back conversations.

Dear Brother,
S'marvellous! This shows how the classics stay with us in the misdirection of your fertile imagination. I'd like a tad of foreshadowing - maybe a feather? The line that skewered me to your page was
Salvation, absent.
So neat, so effortlessly heartbreaking -
And with one bound - I'm out.
Best - JtF

Hi writer

Pay for Fade In you cheap bastard  

Ermm... wow. Killing off two beloved childhood cartoon characters. Slightly evil.
I had absolutely no idea where this was going, and I can only assume you were high, drunk, or both when this was written.

Oddly enough, I really enjoyed it.
I enjoyed the setting, the characters interaction, the out-of-left-field ending, the murder of cartoon characters.

Good job.

Ahoy brother Warren-- Um,  not sure whether to be appalled or to roll on the floor laughing. I have to ask: were you high when you wrote this? Wait. Don't answer that. Read it somewhere-- minimal dialogue. No worries, no plans to dock you for it, just sayin'. I was nowhere inebriated with this as others' but still enjoyed it. Best of Irish luck! -A

Yikes! How could you?? I have to agree with Andrea above - appalled vs. uncontrolled laughter.  The set up scenes for the “twist ending” were very tight and suspenseful. You had me until…well, you know. Good luck with this, top writing topped off with a little meanness.  

Quoted Text (Printed with an unregistered version of Fade In)

Um, okay.

Oh, I thought that word was referring to a toy truck.

*SPOILER*

This took a left turn at Albuquerque!

*Applause!*

Even if Coyote vs Acme never gets released, can this one get made instead?

I wasn't sure if I was gonna like this script, considering its subject matter. But now I'm so glad I checked it out. I love classic animation. Bugs Bunny is my all time favorite cartoon character,. I love the Looney Tunes.

That distraction/left turn aside, this script was actually well written and Don and Gabriela made a fun odd couple. Interesting that the ignorant of the teo border patrol officers was named Don.

Odd... My initial comment didn't post.

This had hints of Nope to it but with an absurd payoff. Not bad. Just absurd.

This was also a bit dialogue heavy for something that was supposed to be more about descriptive text, so it didn't exactly fit with the theme.

However... anything with an ACME product in it gets a few points on that alone.

Thanks for the read.

-Jordan

Quirky stuff. I had a different thought as to how it would
wrap up. I saw no foreshadowing, so the end caught he off-guard
— in a good way. there's a lot of dialogue and you (the writer)
seems to be too advanced to be writing with a trial version of
FADE IN. Anyway, an enjoyable read.

Thanks for all the comments appreciated as always.

Libby - I've recently moved from a windows laptop,  to a Mac and didn't realise I was using the unregistered version, it wasn't an attempt to throw you off your guessing - not that it worked anyway! (i've since found my registration code and re-registered)

Kham - the offensive word was 'tonk' apparently this is a slur used by border patrol agents against illegal immigrants, I was trying to add authenticity rather than confuse you

All who thought this went a little sideways or I was high... had a minor family emergency (all fine now), so had 3 pages done before that and then came back to it, my original idea wasn't to go loony tunes with it, I think I'd originally though Chupacabra but then this popped into my head and with 3 hours left I ran with it.

Glad some people thought this was funny, I don't normally do comedy so always good to know it made somone smile or chuckle.