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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Halloween 2024 One Week Challenge  ›  Scarecrow - OWC Moderators: ghost and_ghostie gal
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  Author    Scarecrow - OWC  (currently 627 views)
Don
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 4:30am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Scarecrow by The Anti-Shyamalan - A young couple accidently unleashes a local urban legend. Carnage ensues.

Based on: Spoilers  Short, Horror, Slasher


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 7:25am Report to Moderator
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This is well written, not sure if it is based on an existing UL or not but if a new one then I think it works very well.

My only comment is that the Scarecrow murder in the cornfields thing is quite a familiar trope, so I think this would need something to push it above and beyond.

Liked it and think  there's promise here.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/ShortScripts
Available Feature screenplays - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/FeatureFilmScripts
Screenwriting articles - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/Articles
IMDB Link - https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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kev
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 7:51am Report to Moderator
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Loved this! Well written and a fun little chiller. This is a great concept. I think the Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like VO is a nice touch, too.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 10:12am Report to Moderator
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I would have liked to have known what this was based on as I couldn't figure out who 'him' was so it would have been good to get the reveal in the script.

The first three pages are a little robotic and didn't grip me at all but it got better as it went along and I ended up enjoying it even if I didn't quite know what was going on. Nice and gory too!!

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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JEStaats
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 10:18am Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Really well written, Mr. Shama-la-la-ding-dong! Very descriptive and visual with just enough dialogue.

Not too sure about the opening and closing narration. I don't think it really adds anything to the read. If you feel it was necessary to explain the legend for the challenge, okay, but I think it could be removed in a revision.

Fun read, thanks, and good luck!
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kcranford
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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Dear Mr./Ms. "Anti", if you were going for the gore factor here - Bingo!  Yikes!  I'm not a fan of slasher movies, but I could deal with the carnage until...the dog.  No!  Kill all the humans but don't ever kill the dog! LOL, just kidding (a bit), that was the dog-lover coming out in me.  Seriously though, as to the writing and style, both very good.  Great job building up tension, it actually gave me gooseflesh so that's a good sign (I think).  My husband plants a huge garden every Summer and yes, he actually erects scarecrows in his never ending battle with "the critters".  I'll have to have him read this...he may not be traipsing around at midnight anymore looking for that "wascawy wabbit". Excellent, if chilling, job here writer - a good Halloween OWC gorefest!


Scripts Available:
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Shorts:
Santuario (OWC Writers' Choice)
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MarkD
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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Very nicely done! Though I don't understand what the UL is supposed to be here, the beginning reminded me of the Man With The Hook.
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: October 26th, 2024, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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Ahoy The Anti-Shyamalan - oh boy, these nicknames. Hmm... methinks this particular UL is 'The Scarecrows Curse.' Could be wrong. But that one makes the most sense(an inhabited vengeful spirit). But... just in case I'm wrong, then I wished Jackson would've let us all in on the secret. I Luv the fact the killer is unseen here-- it created a greater sense of fear and unease. Anywaz, enjoyed it a lot. Best of Irish luck! -A


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spencerforhire
Posted: October 27th, 2024, 11:21am Report to Moderator
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Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

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Hi Anti-Shamalan - First off, the writing I felt was excellent and your story kept good pace. I found myself following and staying in the story.

A few visuals that I truly enjoyed...

"The dogs decapitated head has been shoved inside of his own stomach, his dead eyes stare
back at his horrified owner."

"Blood oozes down his face, while his jaw clinches so tightly that his front teeth crack and pop out!"

Very nicely done. Some has pointed to NO UL found. I think I did find one, however it's a stretch. The UL of the headless horseman can be loosely connected to the headless dog. Maybe the dog is the next curse to roam the corn fields.

Super work. Much to learn from here for my own writing. Thanks.


I got nothing.  
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JtF
Posted: October 27th, 2024, 1:07pm Report to Moderator
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Dear Anti-Shyamalan, presumably one of the Night and Day Shyamalan clan  -
this is a gloopy gorefest! I mean not the dog - nope, no one is left alive to tell the tale here. This could have been a PG rating (as just the one fuck!) but not with such merciless carnage. . . . horror fulfilled. Well written all best JtF
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Drongo Bum
Posted: October 28th, 2024, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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A classic slasher that nicely evokes dark rural nights.

- A few action lines could use tightening.
- Some dialogue feels a little stiff and stilted.


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Gum
Posted: October 28th, 2024, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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Very cool, with crazy disturbing visuals that take it to another level of, well… morbid.

Only thing that threw a monkey wrench into the logistics (for me) is Skylar was aware of old Barny’s field, but not the legend of the Scarecrow, whereas Jackson did have knowledge of the reason it’s hung in the field. Ultimately, that wouldn’t really matter if this was produced, cause the focus is on the Scarecrow itself, and the reason for it being in the clearing.

It's a unique concept, a figure hung prominent to ward off whatever evil creature lurks within the corn stalks. One suggestion I would incorporate is some kind of ancient writing charred into the face, or even the post or a wooden sign suspended above the Scarecrow as opposed to it being generic as you mentioned.

Ancient or Extra/Inter dimension text similar to the scroll etched on the glass prisons in the movie ‘Thir13en Ghosts’ to keep the evil entities in their chambers, or similar to the Rune Etched Amulets in the Prime Series ‘From’ that keep the demonic Humanoids from entering homes, etc. Just opinion of course to ramp up the mystery surrounding the lore.

Other than that, the writing’s tight and clean, suggesting this ain’t your first ro-DAY-o. Perfectly gruesome tale for the Urban Legend challenge. Best of luck.
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LC
Posted: October 28th, 2024, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Clearly a UL of your own making.
Pretty good too! I liked the vibe a lot. Could do with some streamlining - I felt it dragged in some spots and it reads to me like a Concept for a feature. I say that because otherwise everyone's just getting picked off. I personally like at least one plucky survivor who's going to eventually get the upper hand or put up a good fight.


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ChrisBodily
Posted: October 30th, 2024, 8:08pm Report to Moderator
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Scarecrow? Shyamalan pun? Another spoiler UL?

Is this opening a Texas Chainsaw Massacre homage? Is the narrator supposed to be John Larroquette?


Quoted Text
Jackson looks over at SKYLAR, (17), who hangs out the open
passenger door window. [Jackson] looks back at the smoking engine,
runs his fingers through his hair.


I've never seen it spelled "Barny" before.

[quote]Skylar cowers behind Jackson, who looks like he’s going to
shit his pants on the spot.[/quote[

I love this sentence.

Not sure what the urban legend is? Scarecrows? I was thinking Red the Dog was supposed to be Red Rover. Is this an original? The Scarecrow's Curse? Kunekune?

This is some of the best writing I've seen in the challenge just far, Definitely an old pro. I love the characters, the visuals, the suspense, the carnage. Excellent job!


FADE IN:
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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: November 1st, 2024, 12:50pm Report to Moderator
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A dog named Red made me think of a red dog. I pictured the farmer's dog as looking like Clifford. This made the story more heartbreaking.

I like the "What if" premise of the story, being "What if a scarecrow kept something other than crows away?" I thought that was rather clever.

I looked for information regarding an urban legend regarding a scarecrow. I only found stories where the monster was the scarecrow itself. I'm guessing that you invented a fresh new urban legend. Very creative and original.

This story is full of vivid violence like a slasher flick should be.


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