Choloroform by Henry Tjernlund - Short, Comedy - An inept, would be abductor fails to nab his targeted victim in this dialog-free short. (Imagine a sinister Mr. Bean.) 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dear Henry,
the snag here, as Copilot informs me is "Oh, dude, chloroform is technically legal for certain uses like in industry and research, but buying it for, you know, "other purposes" is a big no-no. Like, you can't just stroll into your local pharmacy and ask for a bottle of chloroform next to the Advil."
I think the only way this would work is if something much worse happens to Mr Tween. I can almost hear some of my writerly pals screaming, "there's nothing likable about him that holds our interest so we'd bail."
In a pushing boundaries way - why not. My Jury is out --

I like the portrayal of Mr. Tween. I like creating unusual and unlikeable characters myself and have an appreciation for this piece of work. I think the plot hole regarding the availability of chloroform to be minor in this case.  It's a short comedy, after all. It would be different if this were a feature or if this was a serious crime thriller. The only nitpick I have is when he walks out of his office with a trash bag. I think you could have elaborated on the size of the bag. While it could have been small, like the size of a sandwich bag from this morning's breakfast, it could have been big and unwieldy. He could have struggled with it and possibly disposed of it in an easy yet inappropriate way, like stuffing it in a parked, unlocked car that he passed. Then again, it's possible that you did, and I missed a page.

You already established that he's cheap from his reaction to the price and how grudgingly he parted with his cash. The icing on the cake was when he squeezed the fluid back into the bottle. That got a chuckle. Obviously, it's integral to the story but I think you set it up well. Rowan Atkinson and Tim Conway would be impressed as I could see one of them creating a character like Mr. Tween.

Nice job.