The Shape by Mike Alexopoulos - Horror - Three football players try to steal the answers to a final exam. But things go haywire when a maniacle killer tries to kill them. - rtf, format 8)

I'm finding the same problems here as I did with Nightmares.


Phil

I was gonna read this, but now I'm not going to.  

I see a 3 or 4 problems in the 1st line of your scene set up.

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1  EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT

It is dark out. We film the side of the school. The lights of the school courtyard illuminate the side of the school. We go to a classroom window and we see three teenage boys sneaking through it. Alex, 18, is first to get in.

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Ok... It is dark out... >> We know it's dark, don't waste lines to tell us that night means anything other than, DARK.

Ok... We film the side of the school... >> We aren't filming anything. I know I'm not... I'm reading this thing, or trying to anyways. I'm not filming your movie and I don't want to... I just want to read it, that's all. Not film it.

Ok... Again, "WE" aren't going anywhere and "WE" aren't doing anything together... I hate reading screenplays like this.  It's too, restrictive... I just, Bah!!!

Ok... And I'm in no fuggin' way the authority on proper grammar "just check this post" but you start too many sentences with AND.  I don't think you can start a sentence with this... lemme know though. ;)
 
Tell me in a way where I can keep my own mind wondering and not on other things, such as... we we should place the camer for the next shot and or... how dark it is outside when I clearly know it's dark outside cause your scene header said... NIGHT

As stupid as you think I am or the other readers are... we're not all stupid and some of us like to read screenplays to benifit us in some form or another.  This wasn't doing anyone any favors...

I'm not trying to be hardcore cock smeer Baltis again... but I am being honest and I see multiple problems in the screenplays 1st scene.

Fix it, try again and that's all I can tell you... cause if you deep six me this deep with 4 lines of a script, think what you'd do with 90 to 120pages of a script.

My mind can wonder, can't it?

C.K.