Friday The 13th : Rotten Flesh by M. Bowman (scoob) - Horror - Henry Matterson, a real estate millionaire, seeks vengeance on a bitter rival and will go to extreme lengths to get it.  His target is Camp Forest Green, formerly Camp Crystal Lake, and the infamous site is host to yet another bunch of naive youngsters.  As Matterson's obsessive quest takes a turn into witchcraft and voodoo, he rises legendary slasher Jason Voorhees for more blood and violence, believing he has the power to control him.  But nothing can control evil, can it? - html, format 8)

I'm sending this to my PC scoob, as I'm not at my house... but I did read the 1st few pages and I'm actually very impressed so far.  

I do not like Fan Fiction, I loath it.  I've only liked one other Fan Fiction screenplay and much to my surprise it's actually the best screenplay on this site... "GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE" fantastic read.

Anyways, your format is BAM! and I'm really drawn into the way you ease us into the different characters actions.  You do it very well.  I'm actually very impressed so far with what I've read, even more so cause this is a Jason script.

I'll read it over the weekened and get back with you soon...

BALTIS~

Hey thanks for posting this up Don.

Thanks Balt for reading this, I appreciate you taking the time and I hope you enjoy. :)

Cheers

i am not a big fan of the whole jason series but after reading the first few pages i think i will give it a read. when i have more time i will be sure to read this and tell you my thoughts

Andrew

Hey, i read the script, and i liked it. I thought it was great.......up until you killed Alica. I hate when people do this, they put the last liviing girl in the b ig action where she mostly fights off Jason saves Paul, and then wham! she gets killed, and you let Paul live? Come on. I like the whole sotry idea and script, but you have to go back and let Alice and Paul both survive.

It just dropped my attention to read it, after she died, i quit reading.

Oh, thanks for that post CoronaExtra04, I hate that too. I was going to read it, but if the main girl is going to die in the end and a guy is going to live then I don't want to read it. Thanks.

Why? I know you ruined the ending for me, but no harm no fowl... I still, however, feel that him killing off the girl is actually more original than any Fan Fiction screenplay up here.  How many times does the girl live in a movie?  How many?  All  the time, so he threw you and me and everyone else who reads it a curve ball.  I say about FUCKING TIME!!!  

Scoob, I'll finish reading this, probably tomorrow as it is Saturday and I've got some things planned with some friends as I will be departing for England here soon.

I dunno, killing off the main character is something that doesn't happen a lot.  I think aside from a handful of movies, and my COFFIN CANYON movies and all my shorts almost... I don't think of anyone who does this.

I congratulate his on this and look forward to finishing it, now more than ever!

BALTIS~

I read the first ten pages and I'm already liking it. I'm a huge fan of the Friday movies and I think this has some real potential. The only thing I'm disappointed with so far is that it didn't open on a kill. I can't think of a Friday the 13th movie that didn't open on a kill, but that doesn't matter as I'm sure there will be plenty more of it down the track.

I'm looking forward to all the cliches like the obligatory sex scene and how some stupid teenager will go outside to investiage a strange noise. Hope you'll deliver on all of these things.

I'll read the rest of it tomorrow and give you my full review then.

Cheers, Chism.

Hey,

Thank you to everyone that has read this and posted, it is really appreciated and Im so pleased that some of you have enjoyed it, makes it worthwhile :)

This is my first script so Im sure I made some mistakes some where but Im just real pleased about everyone reading and posting their views it is great!

I will reply to every post on Monday as I cant right now, but thanks to everyone that bothered to read this thing!

Cheers! :)

I look at it like this, if Jason gets ahold of Paul's head and starts squeezing it, and Alicia can beat on Jason to save Paul, then when Alicia is slamed in the head with a pipe, then Paul should have done the same thing to save Alicia.

Quoted from chism I can't think of a Friday the 13th movie that didn't open on a kill.

Part 5.

I'll read it in the week.

Actually Part 5 opened in a Dream Sequence kill, but its still a kill. In fact, its two of them.

Anyway, I read the script and I thought it was pretty average for a Friday the 13th movie. I mean, Jason was killed literally three paragraphs before the movie ended so I really think you need to rework the ending so that Alicia lives, coz that just sucks.

As i was reading i was trying to imagine wat the film would look like and i came to the conclusion that it is ultimately not scary. I mean every Friday movie scared me to some degree, weather its a body being thrown through a window or Jason suddenly popping out at someone. This is hard to imagine being scary at all.

The disappointing thing is that you broke the cardinal Friday Rule: always have two horny teens having sex, this did not happen. I'm not a sex maniac, I'm just saying that its a tradition and must be upheld.

Another thing is that after Jason wakes up, he just walks around for about thirty pages. Almost nothing happens for the first sixty pages. None of the teens are stalked and die, and then you cram all of the deaths within a space of sort of twenty pages or so. This just feels like Jason kills too much, although he really doesn't. I think the killings should be spread out more evenly.

When you started having characters rambling on about Voodoo Curses and Norse Gods I kinda checked out a little bit. I thought that it really had nothing to do with anything and ultimately you really don't need to explain how Jason was brought back to life, we jsut assume he has somehow. I read the rest of the script just to see how it ended, and I was disappointed.

I like that you totally ignored Jason X and this script is resonably well written. It certainly has its glorious moments where you can just picture it. I laughed a few times but im afraid to say I rolled my eyes one too many times.

This is not meant to insult you or your abilities, I think based on this you're a very talented writer and I just think you should spend a bit more time refining the story.
I am looking forward to reading your next draft of this and I hope that I haven't offended you or anything.

Cheers, Chism.

Alright, done... I've been busy this weekend and was worried I wasn't gonna be around to doing this.  I read some of it at the Gym today and the rest just minutes ago.

Here goes...

-----

I like your writing.  By & large it's really polished stuff.  You do have moments where you simply get away from the standards of the business, but they are few and far between.  For instance sometimes you use a specific item to explain the scene and it's rough for some people to gather that up.

I don't have a problem with your dialogue, again, by and large it was very well crafted.  I think it got a bit rough a time or two but you quickly pulled it back together.

As a friday the 13th movie, this was one of the best I'd ever wish to see.  It wasn't like all the others and that's what makes this one stand out so well.  It really has a different standard to it.  Almost like you could do a prequl and start your own franchise with the use of a proven character.

I loved the fact you didnt' kill, kill, kill, at the off set of the movie. It built tension and gave us time to like the characters you were gonna kill or hate them for that matter.  I have no qualms about this at all.  As a Fth13th movie, yeah, some are gonna bitch... however, this blows every Friday the 13th movie I've read out of the water... It's written better, has better idea's and makes much more sense.

I am a huge fan of the way you portrayed Jason... I thought you kept him very much by the book and didn't step on toes in the process.  I really dig this Jason.

I do think that the backing story you tell early on, maybe 15 or 16th page about Jason drowning as a little boy was forced... change that around, maybe take it out.  Have everyone already know about it.  He's a local legend afterall and it's a very small township that boarders it.  Everyone should know about it... EVERYONE!!!!!

I would have loved to have seen Henery put more of a fight up with Jason.  I almost keyed in on the fact Jason was a bit bothered by Henery and just wanted him to die.  I really want to see Jason get rocked by some dude, not like get his ass kicked really but like you know... get a good fight going on with someone and have Jason almost agitated by it and then finally brutally slay the guy.  You picked up on it a bit with the way he thrust his machette into his back, but you didnt' go into it all... I really wish you'd have shown this aspect a bit.

I don't like the use of POV much... I've used it 2 times in my screenplays and I've wrote over 45 now.  I don't like it.  There are ways to show something from someone's view point without the dumbed down POV getting in the way.  It shows GREEN and inexperienced all over it, I believe.

I do believe sometimes, only sometimes, you are too spot on in dialogue.  "HE WILL NEVER MAKE IT THAT FAR ON FOOT" for instance.  could and should be like this "HE'll NEVER MAKE IT ON FOOT, NOT THAT FAR"  it jsut seems more natural to me... maybe more like something I'd say and not a robot would say.

Sometimes you also get away into storybook telling and not screenplay telling. You know what I mean?  Like, you will almost explain it as a story... HOWEVER, SHE FALLS BACK and stuff like that.  It's not needed.  It could be simply  "SHE's KNOCKED BACK FROM THE GUN BLAST"

You run off at the end and start telling a story again... She's too far in grief and stuff, you can't show that on camera... Just say she's crying or panicked upset or something.  We don't know how to show she's upset by the death of all her friends. That's a storybook, not a screenplay... you know?



In the end, BY & LARGE, you wrote a good story... It's got elements of screenplay and storybook in it and that's the only real downfall I can see.  You did something different with the character and you did what you said you'd do.  Make something very different.  I agree with you and you did just that.

I don't like the way the ending went down, the way you describe it, almost seems like you resorted back to telling a story rather than writing a screenplay.  IT'S HIS GAME and stuff, doesn't need to be in there unless you have Jason carrying like, CANDY LAND, under his arm from his house... so we know infact, it is his game. << You know?

The ending was sudden... I think, should this be made into a movie... you'd need a little more meat at the end.  Just a bit.  You'd need something to leave us with.  This was very sudden and very kinda anti-climactic in a lot of ways.

I still love the bulldozer thing.  I love the way you crafted the story as awhole and it's worlds better than any Texas chainsaw massacre/Friday the 13th/Nightmare on elm st/Halloween screenplay on this site, by leaps and fuggin' bounds!!!!

Trust me!

I give it a 3.5 out of 5 -- only because of the story book fashion you adopted in parts.  Otherwise, for a fan fiction screenplay and a jason one at that, it's rather fantastic!

BALTIS~

Good thoughts and good luck~

Hey all,

Thanks to everyone that posted their views and reviews on this, it is appreciated greatly and will definitly help me out for future writing.

I have to say I agree with almost everything that has been posted, and a massive thanks for all the details that you have pointed out to me :)

I agree with Chism that the script maybe is way too slow for a Friday flick but that was intentional, I tried something different and it may work for some and for others it certainly wont.

I have no regrets about not putting in a sex scene, that really is not my thing. I don't see how it is relevant in any horror film and these sort of traditions need to be broken now and then.
I doubt I will ever put in a sex scene unless it is completly relevant to the story.

I also agree with Chism regarding the lack of stalking Jason does. By the time I got Jason to the camp where all the characters were, I was running out of time so looking back I should have got him there a lot quicker rather then have him wipe out everyone in quick succesion.
So thanks Chism for you're review, was very helpful and I really sppreciate it.

Thanks Balt for your're review, it was great and very informal.
I really appreciate you spending time on my style of writing and you are dead on with what you have said, also Im delighted you actually enjoyed it :)

I certainly wanted to make a different type of movie to the normal Jason flicks, I never really thought of making a seperate franchise with it but that seems how it turned out and Im pleased you appreciated it.

I'm really happy that you seem to have enjoyed this, it gives me encouragement to write and put my own ideas into play for more original scripts.

I wont bother with the use of POV any more as it does seem pointless apart from an easy way of describing something I feel necessery to be seen, and you are spot on with the fact I end up storytelling too much. This is something I have got to get out of.

The ending was rushed, absolutly. I have no problem in killing off any of the characters, and I did plan on making no one survive but that went out the window!
I was just going through the motions on the last few pages to be honest and I will admit that is bad and I should have taken more time with it.

All in all, I'm happy with it as it is my first script (as I keep on saying) and despite some obvious flaws, I wouldn't change it too much.

So thank you Balt for taking the time to go through it, man, as you know it makes it all worthwhile when someone gives you an honest account of what you spent time on. Thanks also for the 3.5 rating :)

I'm now working on a new completly original idea, and hope you can check that out once completed.

Thanks to everyone that posted! :)

Cheers

Take Care

Hi,

I am going to re-edit this and have a final draft version.

I will COMPLETLY change the ending, and I have written a couple of extra scenes.

One scene, inspired by a humourous comment on a different post by Balt, involves a hopefully amusing scene involving a group of gangsta rappers.

I hope to re-post it soon and I hope you can all check it out when it's up :)

Oh yeah, LOL!  

Hey make sure you have a scene where one of them holds his gun all "gangSTAR" like, you know all cocked to the side like a little bitch and Just have Jason maul the mother plucker!

I simply hate that.  It makes me ill and nautious to see that shit... like in Dawn remake, when that no talent whatever the hell his name is Shukwanda Phifer or whatever it is, draws his gun and cocks it all to the side... like he's a "gangSTAR" or some shit... Whatever!  This is an end of the world situation, these are ZOMBIES and thousands of them... you wouldn't be looking for style points asshole!

That was an unrealistic moment in the film for me, maybe even more than the ZOMBIES themselves... Do I dare to let my mind wonder?

B.A.L.T.I.S. ~~ >>

In that case I'll wait for the re-write!

Re-write should be finished soon.
I've added one scene to up the murder spree a little, and I intend to change the ending.
That is all I'm going to do at the moment, I'm busy on another project called "Season Of The Devil".

Thanks for the interest in reading though, I hope you enjoy when you do read it.

I have just sent in the 2nd draft, which is highly likely to be the final draft.
I have added a scene involving the gangsta rappers (which has probably doubled the swear count in that one scene alone) and slightly altered the ending.

Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.

Cheers

Well it sounds pretty cool. Gangsta rappers? Sounds pretty crazy. But as long as your changing the ending then things should seem better.

Cheers, Chism

i loved it more then anything. but use a character from the other movies that wasn't in all of them.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Cheers, glad you liked it.

I really doubt i'm going to do another draft of this, to be honest this was my first script and I wanted to see if my format of writing was suitable.

Im so pleased some people enjoyed it, and im really happy people have posted their views. Bad or good, it is great just to know where you are going wrong and whatnot.

The 2nd daft, when it's up, really only has a couple of extra scenes, and a slighty different ending... but not that different.

The rap scene is just a scene to up the murder count and have a laugh basically, if I get someone calling me rascist for the language used then that is laughable, but i'm half expecting it.

Thanks for posting Don.

The new draft is now up.

Whats you're views on the added scene? Please let me know as I'm unsure whether to keep it in or remove it.

Cheers

this script sounds good but you cant change the camp name because it isnt the same

Well, being my script, I can change the name of the camp if I choose to and I did.
It's not the first time, it was also changed in Part 6.

So very true indeed... So true, in fact, it should be spelt TRU~

It's hist screenplay... let him do, alter, add, subtract, multiply and divid how and what he wants to out of the franchise.  As far as fan fiction goes, that I've read, this is one of the only ones that tried to do something different or add an element to it.

There is a Batman screenplay here too, that is brilliant and of course as per usual when I talk about fan fic screenplays... My baby K.K. wrote Goonies Never Say Die, which is fantastic!

Scoob, keep up the good work... ;)

Balt~

This is DEFINITLY the final draft of this so enjoy if you like the ol' Jason flicks and if you dont, take a read and be pleasantly surprised!

Yo, scoob. I read your script. It was better than mine by far. I wrote The Basement. Anyway, i hate the jason movies because they have way to mu ch gore and nudity. Plus they scare me the most. I do not know why, but they do. I decided to read this because:
1) From what i read on the post of my script, you seem to know a lot about writing scripts.

2) I thought i could learn from your writting and I did.

Thanks to this script i learned a lot. You are one of the biggest influences in my life at the moment.

P.S. If anybody here has any good ideas i can have for a good script please email me......anime_freak98284@hotmail.com

Myersfan - Thanks for reading this script and im pleased you enjoyed it. As for being an inspiration, I am flattered for you to say that, I really am. So thank you.

But...

There are a lot of better writers out there then me, a hell of a lot, and if you continue to read their scripts and look around, Im sure you will learn more and more.

This was the first script I have ever attempted to write, I used safe ground doing a Jason film because there have been 10 of these films and they couldnt possibly get any worse.  My intention was to try and bring some kind of respect back to them, plus experiment with writing.

Thankfully, this seemed to go down well with readers and I'm grateful for that.

I think Balt is a major play in the way I write on here and now, I read all of his stories and he was very kind and encouraging to me as a first time writer.

Look around, read a few scripts and find the format on how to write. Im sure you will do great, Im still learning, Ive only written two scripts myself!

But thanks again for the compliment, heh, its always nice to hear them!

:)




Cheers
Take care

Hi,

Thanks Mr.Z , you are dead on with what you say and I hope to correct this in future writing.

Cheers, :)

I'm a few pages into it and I like it.... I hope it matches up to Season of the Devil, but I doubt it.

I came in the horror section and I have to admit I was pretty shocked to find this had reappeared!

Thanks for giving it a read, Huggybear. This was the first thing I had written and personally I dont think it is a scratch on Season.

Thanks for giving it a read though, hope you enjoy it.

I'm glad this caught my eye, its good, not perfect but like you have mention this was one an earlier script of yours. The problem with reviewing this so late is the fact that everything has already been said. I liked the characters and the story felt like a actual Friday the 13th movie. Keep the good work.

-Zavier

Thanks Nixon (Zavier)

Im obviously pleased this is being read and reviewed again, I really thought this puppy was sent to sleep ages ago!

Thanks for reading it and Im really pleased you enjoyed it.

Thanks,

I stayed up late reading this, and i was impressed! (especially considering that the the produced movies are entertainment and nothing else. . .) The action rises well and you've captured the feeling of the others Ft13th movies superbly.

Congratulations!

Flipping heck!

Cheers Will, appreciated especially since this was a while back so thanks for reading and enjoying.

I think this wasnt too bad looking back at it, and I think it wouldnt be a bad Friday film at all tbh.

Thank you for taking time to comment,