Requiem by Martin Lancaster (requiem) - Short, Drama - A mortician meets a ghost from his past, triggering memories of a tormented childhood.    -   Dogglebe One Week Screenwriting Exercise Submission - pdf, format 8)

Thanks Don, that was quick!

Looking forward to some feedback on this. I'm off to read the others!

This one was done very differently. Everything seemed original to me and i think it was great. Everything was top notch, the story, characters, everything was. I enjoyed every single part of this short and this is one of my favorites. Great job.

Req:  This is the first time I can remember (in a long time, anyway) reaching the end of a story -- and having finished it -- felt that I needed to buzz through it once more.

I loved the tone.  It grabbed me right away.

Shit, man.  I might even like it better than mine...

Your writing style is very good, so I guess you already know that camera directions and transitions are frowned upon in spec scripts, and had your reasons to include them.

On to the story: It was very good. It was a fast read, and never saw the end coming. I really enjoyed reading this. Congratulations, and keep up the good work.

thanks a lot guys

Wow. This was good. Your voiceovers were minimal was well used. You held the one piece of information most desired till the end and didn't even say it! Amen, you showed it instead. You kept me wondering and it just seemed like an odyssey through this guy's head about his bully...the one behind it all.

Good job. Well done. Loved it.

Wow, this was a true chiller, sir.  It had a dark toned elegance that was written so beautifully and the ending really left a chill down my spine.  Like Bert, though, I had to quickly skim this over a second time to make sure I got everything, which eventually I did.

Overall, I wished this could have been a little longer but you developed an impressive story for its short length.  A solid piece of work!

Thanks fellas, glad you enjoyed it. This gives me a bit of confidence ahead of the real contest next week.

Hey Martin!

WOW! What a great script, I'm impressed. I really thought you did a fantastic job of describing the scenes, beautifully done. I loved the twist at the end, and picked up on it prior to the revelation, but it still was excellent. I loved the pace of this piece.

Like it's settings, it was chilling! A great use of pathetic fallacy, I believe.( I hope I used that in the right context). I also felt sorry for poor Harry, much like my little midget friend, he didn't deserve it! Very well written and I enjoyed the way you used voice over here. I particularly loved the Doctor's role in this, really was very intriguing!

Great stuff, hon! ;D
Andy x

This is my fav. short so far...very well done.

I could actually picture this as a period piece - maybe the turn of the century. That would be great.

Well done!!!

Requiem,

Very good. This was a very moody and more darker "exercise" than the rest. It was really unpredictable...it went into a totally different direction than I thought it was. This was awesome and completely satisfying.

-ONEY

Thanks for reading this everyone. Your comments are greatly appreciated. If you liked this, my next script, 'Araucaria' will be up on the site shortly. It was written in a week for the nycmidnight contest. Genre: Suspense Subject: An Old Record. Hope you like it.

Howdy,

I like this a lot. It seemed darker than the other shorts, which is always a plus (for me anyway). The descriptions were great too. Good job.

-Zavier

This script was great. The formatting was ver good, the story and plot (for a short) was wwell maintained and the VO's wern't overused. But what is this twist everyone is talking about? I read the script, and i didn;tt get the twist at the end. I skmmed the script again-nothing. But anyway, good script, everytnig was good.

Quoted from -Ben- But what is this twist everyone is talking about?

The twist is revealed visually in the final scene. I won't give  it away here but here's a clue: the photo!

Thanks for reading

Oh okay thanks.

Martin,

I really enjoyed this one.  Excellent use of voiceovers and flashbacks, and a nice twist at the end.  

Job well done!

Wow Martin, this one was really good.

You have a great way with description and character, some of the best on the un produced and produced scripts IMO, this felt real and had a very somber tone to it, at least for me.

You threw a nice twist at the end, I had a feeling that they were brothers but it still worked very well.

anyways this was a another gem.  Keep plugging them out. :)

You wrote this script months ago, are you still accepting compliments? I loved this script, and its the first I've seen where no one has spotted any formatting flaws.

Quoted from Alex J. Cooper are you still accepting compliments?

Compliments are always appreciated :)

It's nice to see this one get bumped because it's the only short I'm really happy with. I've since removed the car crash to lower the budget but I'm reluctant to change much else.

Flyboy, thanks for the kind words. I still plan to read one of your features but I'm totally slammed at work right now, and I'm writing coverage for a prodco in my spare time (like I have any spare time). You're next on my list though.

Mike, I must've missed your comments from way back in October. Appreciated as always.

Ape, thanks a lot. Let me know if I can return the favour.

Somehow I missed this one, last year.  It was a good read with a nice twist at the end.  I think fleshing out the piece would do wonders to the story.


Phil

Thanks, Phil. It's not easy to pass the "dogglebe test" so I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe one day I'll go back to this but I have sooo much on my plate, and I want to focus on getting another feature finished if I ever find time.

Bump!

Another script of your's bumped by me, Martin.

Anyway, I really, really liked this script. Had sort of a "Six Feet Under" vibe to it. Very, very cool. Your writing is snappy and smart, the twist at the end was really good.

Between Open Your Mind and this, you're fast becoming a personal favourite of mine, Martin. Really well done.


Matt.

This was very enjoyable. I read about the twist before I started reading, and the motif of ghosts in the script really had me worried you were gonna go down a Sixth Sense path with it but you didn't stray from the heart of the story and you managed to keep a somber tone throughout without it feeling labored in overwrought dialogue.

I can only really echo Matt above and say you're one of my favorite writers in this place.

Well done.

Thanks, guys.

It's nice to see this one get a bump. It's one of my favourites.

Glad you liked it and thanks for the kind words.

That's cool, man. Just keep writing these awesome scripts.


Matt.