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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Happyness Road
Posted by: Don, September 11th, 2005, 5:53am
Happyness Road by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Drama, Adventure - The life is an unexplored road that everyone has to drive and to decide between luck and badluck. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: jerdol, September 16th, 2005, 6:40am; Reply: 1
I can't get past the first few pages.  There are a huge number of typos (in one place the word "bitted" is used), and the technical part of the writing needs work.  For instance, I think it would be best to write "INT. BAR" instead of "INT. BAR IN A LITTLE CITY IN THE WEST", the end being redundant due to the opening scene heading.

A suggestion:  Don't direct; you don't need to say that the car blowing up is seen from the man's POV.  Everyone watching the movie knows he sees it, and if the director wants to show it specifically he will.
Furthermore, things like the man's introduction to Mike being O.S should be the director's decision.  When you're just writing it, it's best to show the whole scene and only use O.S when it's important that the viewer not see the speaker (such as with Bill in KB1).
Posted by: Helio, September 16th, 2005, 9:55am; Reply: 2
Yeah, Jerdol, I'll rewrite it as soon as possible and thanks, man!
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