Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Series  /  Lunchroom: Season 4
Posted by: Don, October 24th, 2005, 10:02pm
Posted by: Chris_MacGuffin, November 14th, 2005, 1:47pm; Reply: 1
My apologies to Bruce and the rest of The Lunchroom writers. I couldn't complete the segment I should have written and I feel that I let you guys down. My apologies.
Posted by: Bruce3456, December 3rd, 2005, 4:05pm; Reply: 2
The next episode up is "Home Is Where The War Is" which is written by Myself and Alan Holman. It deals with Reicther's problems with an Iraqi Exchange student named Joseph Said. There will also be Subplots about "Indiana Health Week" that include The Bird Flu and a Sex Survey.

I hope you will enjoy it.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, December 3rd, 2005, 5:29pm; Reply: 3
"See How They Run" I know I wrote this episode but I wanted to read the stuff you added in and let me be the first to say Hilarious. Alfie's walking while high with the cops is just naturally funny.

The lucky charms flashback is good as well.

I remember my version being a little darker than this, you lightened it up and made it more of a comedy. I guess if you release it as an originals people will read a different episode as originally it was another character and no flashbacks.

It feels as if you cut a lot of my building dialogue as well, I can't remember exactly though. At least you kept my descriptions for the most part ha-ha.

I still think your changes made it better and all so thanks for giving me the opportunity to write an episode and all.
Posted by: Toran, December 3rd, 2005, 8:05pm; Reply: 4
I need to know where season 1 is.
Posted by: Edward, December 3rd, 2005, 8:26pm; Reply: 5
Posted by: Alan_Holman (Guest), December 16th, 2005, 9:32pm; Reply: 6
Wow, I vaguely remember a bit of collaboration about that story for episode five.  Now I have the urge to submit more scenes to Bruce and see if I'm pleasantly surprised with co-writer credit at some unpredicted time in the future.  I'll definately try to come up with something ... hopefully before the end of the year.
Posted by: bert, December 24th, 2005, 4:19pm; Reply: 7
Hey Wesley.  I read your episode and got a couple of good laughs out of it.  I can see how this is a piece that kind of stands alone, but at the same time, I think I might have liked to come away with a better sense of Reicther's character.

The inmates share their stories, and Reicther is only given a few opportunities to react.  This is a perfect scenario for Reicther to experience a little "growth" by the end of the episode, but he seems pretty much the same guy before and after his experiences in the jail.

But maybe this ain't that kind of series -- as I told you, this is really the only episode I've read.

I found Alfie's "cure" to be very, very funny, and was disappointed when I read in your post that this wasn't your idea.  But there are other funny parts, too, and Alfie emerges as my favorite character here.

And I can see how this episode could have been much, much darker -- very easily, in fact.  I don't know how much they changed this, but having read some of your other stuff, I can assure you that your voice still comes through pretty clear in this one.

If anybody else is curious as to what Wes can actually do (it is so seldom we get a chance to see it), I would encourage you to check this episode out.  It's pretty short, and pretty funny, with a nice handful of jailhouse characters.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, December 24th, 2005, 6:00pm; Reply: 8
Bruce gave me an opportunity to write something similar to what I do and yet different, I think if you actually ever see the original episode I wrote it wasn't even Reicther in jail as I've said a few times.

It's odd but I focused heavily on the inmates and not the actual character from this series as they've had 3 seasons to build these characters and I doubt he'd ask somebody like me to write an episode if he just wanted the same stuff he could have written anyway.

I don't ask too many questions so only Bruce could tell you that.

I liked the character in the original draft David may come off a bit more of the good guy and the one people like. I don't know why but some of the characters mimic Oz one of my favorite televisions shows. As in the guy who prays to Allah and the guy who asks if he can teach it to him is exactly the same as the episodes of Oz where Tobias Beecher went to Kareem Said to learn the Koran and about Allah or one of those religions. (Fanboy moment ha-ha)

All I needed was a guy in a wheelchair narrating the episode and it was an episode of Oz set in a different universe where the characters aren't as violent, not as much nudity and shower scenes or pointless flashbacks to naked women.
Posted by: Shelton, December 27th, 2005, 2:06pm; Reply: 9
Wes,

I checked this out, and I'm not sure which parts are and aren't yours, but I thought I'd give you a little feedback.

I haven't read any of the other episodes, so I kinda went into this blindly, knowing nothing about the characters or what this was really about, and tried to look at it as a short on its own.  I think this method may have ended up working out, since I thought the storyline was decent, and I laughed a few times in the process, especially during the scene with Alfie and the police.

A couple things I didn't care for:

Eamonn's "Excuse me while I whip this out".  I thought the retort by the girls was pretty funny, but I had a hard time not thinking of "Blazing Saddles".  Maybe that was your intention, I don't know.

When David finishes beating on Alfie.  Alfie just lies there and says "What's with the numbness in my legs".  For me it was just too casual.

And finally the sterotypical humor at Ryan's expense.  These things can be funny in moderation, but one too many uses can really kill it.  I can't put too much on this one though, since it's a really hard hand to play, and I've been guilty of it myself.

Overall, I thought this was pretty funny, and like I said, is an enjoyable read without having read any of the previous episodes.

I give it 3/5.


Mike
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 6th, 2006, 12:07pm; Reply: 10
Bruce, back when Season 2 was new, you asked people to say what they thought the best and worst episodes were. I definitely think that "I'm Up Here" is the best episode, especially the phone scene, that was hilarious. Sorry to say it, but I think "Join The Army" may need a bit of work.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 6th, 2006, 2:31pm; Reply: 11
This is kind of embarrasing. I've written an episode, and would like to post it, but I don't know how.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, March 6th, 2006, 9:29pm; Reply: 12
Isn't that up to Bruce to post it? I mean it is his series...  http://www.simplyscripts.com/submit_your_script.html that's where you submit screenplays.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 7th, 2006, 2:18am; Reply: 13
Yeah, thanks. Good idea. I'll give him the plot first.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 9th, 2006, 3:59pm; Reply: 14
In the Season 3 finale, wasn't Reichter arrested? I read "Heaven Can Wait", and nothing had happened.
Posted by: Bruce3456, March 9th, 2006, 6:20pm; Reply: 15
The new episodes takes place a few months after the events in the Season 3 finale as indicated in the opening montage.

But basically he got out very shortly afterward after his parents bailed him out.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 10th, 2006, 1:57pm; Reply: 16
Right. Thanks, Bruce. Just read "Comfortably Numb" and it was amazing. For some reason, it made more sense backwards. I don't know why, I guess I'm just weird. Any plans for a ninth episode? Cos I'm on the edge of my seat with Stacy's story.
Posted by: Bruce3456, March 10th, 2006, 3:27pm; Reply: 17
Sadly, the next episode will be Stacy's final episode. It's called "Good Riddance" and is about about her and Brian's trip to the airport. Along the way Stacy decides it's time Brian knew some "things."
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 11th, 2006, 12:03pm; Reply: 18
Bruce, I've noticed that the episode lengths vary. I took a look into this, and these were the results:

THINGS FALL APART- 18:29
A TALE OF TWO BRIDES- 11:38
SCREW YOUR SPIRIT- 9:27
HOPE FOR THE BEST, EXPECT THE WORST- 16:14
ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOING IT- 8:16
TESTING BURNS- 11:26
POLITICALLY INCORRECT- 19: 48
JOIN THE ARMY- 7:56
WHAT WAS THAT?- 21:23
BAD DAY- 10:52

AGAINST THE MADNESS- 13:41
THE RISK- 11:19
I'M UP HERE- 19:21
COMICS & COMEDIANS- 14:11
COLD BLUE- 12:15
PROZAC CANDY- 12:53
SUICIDALS DESERVE TO DIE- 13:45
NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS- 14:56
KIRK'S PARTY- 13:49
FAST CAR- 17:01
FARENHEIT 7/11- 14:09
FOOLING MYSELF- 16:22
TROUBLE IN MIND- 14:29

I will look at seasons 3 & 4 soon. By the way, I'm also writing a series. How do I post in PDF?
Posted by: Vince, March 11th, 2006, 5:10pm; Reply: 19
Just out of curiosity how did you get those estimates?
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 11th, 2006, 5:37pm; Reply: 20
I had used the timer on my clock. It has seconds, minutes and hours.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 13th, 2006, 2:36am; Reply: 21
Okay, I've also timed Season 3 and I think they're long enough, which is great because I think Season 3 is the best one.

INSTANT KARMA- 15:44
MASTER DEBATORS- 18:32
SPECIAL NEEDS- 14:12
GOD HATES ACTORS- 16:17
THE CAMPING TRIP- 19:06
BY ALL MEANS- 15:02
REALITY BITES- 16:42
WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE- 20:03
SHADES OF GREY- 22:36
HEART'S PLACE- 18:49
SLOW FUSE- 23:04
EVERYBODY HURTS- 19:24
THE LAST TIME- 26:43

Also, will I be receiving these rewrites any time soon? Cause obviously I'll be giving the BBC Season 1 first, and I think it would be better if I gave them the improved version. Sorry, don't want to sound impatient. By the way, there may be a problem. The director said that he would still air it, but he thought that "Politically Incorrect" was quite racist.
Posted by: foxglovefinn54, March 13th, 2006, 12:54pm; Reply: 22
i think there should be more of Ellen Conner on the show. She's the best character ever.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 13th, 2006, 12:56pm; Reply: 23
No way. Casey's the best. Casey to me is what Star Wars is to Brian.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 17th, 2006, 1:39pm; Reply: 24
Bruce, when will you (or whoever posts episodes) be posting Ep. 9?
Posted by: Bruce3456, March 17th, 2006, 6:26pm; Reply: 25
Hopefully we're going to be sending it in either tomorrow or Sunday.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, March 19th, 2006, 3:10am; Reply: 26
Episode 01 "Heaven Can Wait"


Spelling errors… I’ll underline the word that’s wrong. It’s up to you to find it as page numbers aren’t present.

This time his is hooking some wires around his neck.

He has a shaving blade I his hand.

I can't even do the one thing Kurt Cubain did right.

Tell 'em your going to the movies with a friend.

He was very noted for stopping his carriage to talk to he trees.

You know, I can't talk with you. Your drunk.

A big smile comes across her face. To this Parker gives her a look ands slams the door.

He bandage is off and they are examining his wound.

Finally Chris is able to push her a away.

Kate's anger has seemed to quickly to changed to apologetic and worrisome.

MR. ZIMMER, the Geography teacher and the school nurse, NURSE ROBERTS sit at on of the four tables in the room.

Look...we both hate each other. T here's really no way around.

I've only know you for like ten minutes and already you find my failure funny?

We do a QUICK PAN to the LEFT and we see CATHY PHENIS all the way on the other end of the lunchroom. – Try not to use we as much, it’s not necessary when CATHY PHENIS stands at the other end of the lunchroom would suffice.

Have you ever watched Degrassi? Reading this I feel like you were inspired by Degrassi (In a good way) Well that mixed with Dawson’s Creek and a comedy.

At times the teachers seem more childish then the kids, I don’t know if I like the teachers all that much. You should try to focus as little as possible on them as you’ve already got a lot of characters.

I enjoyed reading the episode; way too much happens though which drags the episode on. You could take this episode and make it two different ones because at times it just drops into a lot of different directions. The episode you had me write had one direction but I’m just not sure about this one.

Good episode but it has split personalities at times.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 20th, 2006, 12:53pm; Reply: 27
I thought it was a good thing to go in different directions. If there's just one story in an episode it gets boring.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), March 20th, 2006, 1:00pm; Reply: 28
Do I need an outbox to post scripts?
Posted by: foxglovefinn54, March 30th, 2006, 3:14pm; Reply: 29
Hey Private Dick, I disagree with the assertion that this show can be compared to Dawson's Creek. Other than the fact that it, too, is set in a rural high school, they are completely dissimilar. The tone and mood of the show is completely different from the lameass Dawson's Creek. It's a comedy, for Christ's sake! Plus, thankfully, they don't use ridiculously pretentious language like "capra-esque" or "philistine." The dialogue in the show is representative of real high schoolers, and that's what makes it so genuine and fun.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), April 1st, 2006, 11:07am; Reply: 30
Just read "Good Riddance". Got to be the best episode in Season 4 so far.
Posted by: Bruce3456, April 7th, 2006, 5:52pm; Reply: 31
Due to things beyond my control we have to change the character name of Kirk Hoey to Jack McNeil because a real person with that name isn’t very happy.

Also to avoid a similar problem we’re going to have to change Cathy’s last name from Phenis to Matthews.

This changes will be made to episodes over the course of the week.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), April 14th, 2006, 12:07pm; Reply: 32
Why change Kirk's name now? I mean, until "Home Is Where The War Is", he wasn't in it since Season 2. Are you bringing him back?
Posted by: DOM (Guest), April 24th, 2006, 11:19am; Reply: 33
So, Bruce, is there now a set time for your episodes? Cuz I think just about every episode for Season 4 is 22 pages. But, in the last three seasons, they seemed to be as long as you wanted them to be. So, how long do you want each episode to be? Like 25 minutes?
Posted by: DOM (Guest), April 27th, 2006, 1:42pm; Reply: 34
Just read "Waiting For Kirsten". It was as good as ever, if not better, but I was really shcoked when Will said "I like you, but sometimes you can be a cunt."
Posted by: alecmcdermott (Guest), May 5th, 2006, 11:04am; Reply: 35
I just started reading this series, and i'm really liking it. How many seasons do you think it's going to have? I'm also writing a series. I don't know if you read it, it's called Alec McDermott. I have to admit, this is really better. I really like it. Keep those episodes coming.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), May 6th, 2006, 8:14am; Reply: 36
I probably shouldn't be answering this, since it's not my show, but I do have the answer to your questions. There will be 5 or 6 seasons, and all 4 are here on this site. You just started reading this? Well, you're in for a treat. You're so lucky, with almost everything to read.
Posted by: Bruce3456, May 6th, 2006, 8:10pm; Reply: 37
It's alright DOM.

We are doing 5 Seasons. We're currently wrapping up Season 4, and some are working of Season 5.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), May 7th, 2006, 5:00am; Reply: 38
Right. Oh, that reminds me! I  finished "The Long Road Home".
Posted by: DOM (Guest), May 17th, 2006, 10:58am; Reply: 39
I'm sure if I read ep. 11, my question will be answered, but I read the summary, and I'm confused. It says Will tries to explain his situation with Ellen. I know there's been some flirting back & forth, but other than that, they're just friends. Why would he need to explain his situation with her?
Posted by: alecmcdermott (Guest), July 11th, 2006, 9:44pm; Reply: 40
is there going to be a season 5? Get back to me on that, because i really love this series.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), July 12th, 2006, 11:42am; Reply: 41
Yeah, there is. Dunno when. I mean, there was a HUGE gap between Seasons 3 & 4. I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not.
Posted by: alecmcdermott (Guest), July 15th, 2006, 11:48am; Reply: 42
Oh, please make it more! I really like this show. I know that all things must come to an end but not yet. Make it as long as That 70's Show, or Will & Grace. They lasted for 8 seasons. Please! More than 5 seasons. I love it too much for it to end next season. I'll even help you with the episodes! Just more than 5 seasons, please!

                                                                 -A sad fan
Posted by: James Fields, July 15th, 2006, 12:59pm; Reply: 43
He's given you his answer, and I'm sure he's very busy writing.
Posted by: Bruce3456, July 15th, 2006, 5:17pm; Reply: 44
Trust me, if I could I would keep the show on for longer. From the beginning, my goal was to do 6 Seasons but I think it’s best we go out when we’re still fairly popular then to drag on for another 3 or 4 seasons. Also I'm going to be graduating in 2007, and would like to put my focus on college.

So that’s why we're doing a 5th and final season (which will hopefully have either 18 or 20 episodes.)
Posted by: DOM (Guest), July 16th, 2006, 7:01am; Reply: 45
I suppose it is better to quit while you're ahead. I guess we'd all prefer a tiny amount of brilliant episodes that a whole heapful of ones that could get crap after a while. Bruce writes a lot of episodes on his own, and he's already made a real mark on this website. Each season seems to get better, so I'm happy with just 1 more season.
Posted by: thisaccountsucks01, July 24th, 2006, 3:24pm; Reply: 46
Hey, my last post disappeared.

In case any who cares to know what I said, I said awesome Clerks reference in the new episode, and that I used to be lameusername005 before ir wouldn't let me log on.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), July 24th, 2006, 3:31pm; Reply: 47
Don't know why your post went. That happens a lot around here...

I like the whole 4x14 episode. Especially Reichter's story. When he opened up the piece of paper and just said "I'm sorry."
Posted by: thisaccountsucks01, July 24th, 2006, 5:40pm; Reply: 48
Oh yeah, that was great part. Every episode is great, I can't remember one I didn't like. I'm sad to hear it's only going 5 seasons, especially because a spin-off or something wouldn't work without the whole cast or Bruce at the helm.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), July 25th, 2006, 4:00am; Reply: 49
Well, we all knew it had to end sometime. Yeah, it's sad, but there's still a few more episodes of Season 4, and I think Bruce said there are 24 episode in Season 5.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), August 25th, 2006, 11:42am; Reply: 50
I know I'm always really impatient with these, but when is episode 15 going to be on here?
Posted by: Bruce3456, September 14th, 2006, 7:53pm; Reply: 51
Sorry about the long delays. I just sent in Episode 15 and 16 - 18 are almost done. After that their will be about a month or two before Season 5 begins.
Posted by: DOM (Guest), October 12th, 2006, 4:02am; Reply: 52
Good to see you're back on track. Episode 16 sounds cool. Brian with a girlfriend?
Posted by: thisaccountsucks01, October 16th, 2006, 5:29pm; Reply: 53
Episode 16 was very good, great choice of music for the opening and closing scenes, especially cause I could grab my Ipod and listen to it while I read. Can't wait for #17.
Posted by: foxglovefinn54, October 30th, 2006, 9:22pm; Reply: 54
Bruce, you are a brilliant and fantastically talented writer. You are hilarious, clever, and your dialogue is amazingly natural. You definitely have a knack for writing and I hope that you manage to get your own show on NBC or HBO someday.

Okay, maybe not NBC, because they're being total assholes right now and threatening to cancel brilliant programming like Studio 60, but definitely HBO.

I can't wait to read the next part of the season finale because the first part was fucking brilliant. The pacing was perfect. There was never a lull. It made me laugh out loud about twenty times.

I love you and I hope you never get writer's block.

Rebecca
Posted by: Bruce3456, November 1st, 2006, 2:19pm; Reply: 55
She's our story editor, Rebecca Parker, so she has actually read the first part of the season finale which was sent in a couple of days so it should be up shortly. Part 2 up in the next week as well.
Posted by: Don, November 12th, 2006, 2:30pm; Reply: 56
Discussion for the lunchroom continued here:

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1163359677/s-0/
Print page generated: May 22nd, 2024, 11:47am