Tepish is Born, A by George Willson - Short - Erech and his posse are out one night when Erech's target changes him forever. - pdf, format 8)

I read this partly to find out what a Tepish is. The script doesn’t say exactly but I can only assume by the inference of vampirism that it has something to do with Vlad Tepov, the Impaler.

It’s a nice fresh odd take on subject matter that is otherwise well worn. I do like the sort of H.G. Wells (or Jules Verne) like trinkets and gadgets and stuff. And the London setting (though strangely no mention of fog).

As per your usual, it’s very well written, inventive, and progresses like a grand journey at a nice comfortable pace.

Like “The Mutation Encounter,” though, it feels like an epic bursting at the seems. It’s a good read but there’s always this sense that it’s only one chapter of a much larger work. It just can’t stand on its own. Almost but not quite. If it was one chapter of one novel, maybe. But this is more like reading one chapter of “Lord of the Rings” or “The Chronicles of Narnia.” It just can’t be contained in one short and it shows when you read it. That’s not bad. It’s great to the initiated. But to the uninitiated as I am, it’s well,…missing something.

I’ve always liked epic stories like “Gone with the Wind” and such but I’ve never been much for the LOTR type stuff. Though I will say I do love the book, “Dracula.”

I’m actually conflicted on what to think of it. I enjoyed reading it. I can’t say it’s not a good script. It is. It’s just that, on its own, it seems to end before it really unfolds. Maybe that’s it.

Thanks for the comments. As with the other short, this was intended to pique interest in the larger works. It is intended to be a bite or chapter of something else, except this one was written solely for the purpose of telling about the main character. Actually, three of these four primary characters at the end resurface in "Lost and Found." The fourth? Well, he meets his end elsewhere, and that's another story, of course.

One way I also look at what I write for the Fempiror Chronicles is that I tell pieces of these peoples' lives. And while sometimes that piece can be long and in depth, at other times, there's only so much to tell. Maybe this piece can grow into something bigger and longer and show the Tepish side of things...or maybe not. The point is that these peoples' lives go on from this point and they continue to grow and change and survive like anyone else.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and commenting. And I forgot the fog. And as for what a Tepish is? Well, they're the enemy...but they have opposition.

Hey George,
Well, now that I have Windows XP I am able to read your work.
It was a good read. It's different, held my interest, and left me wanting to read more.
I enjoyed the fight scenes and the strength this new breed of people have. Although they are monsterous in their own right, they are getting the monsters off the street.
I did find one  ::) spelling error... bed room. Just pointing it out to you.
Cindy

D'oh! Pesky typos. Oh well. Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it.

Hey George,

I just realized something when you mentioned there was opposition. There’s no good guys. There’s no one to root for. Even Dracula had a sort of tragic feel to its main character.

Anyway, hey, my opinion means nothing. My own writing is so unorthodox that the odds are really slim that I’ll ever have anything produced (unless I do it myself). So my opinion is probably worthless as far as getting produced.

I like your writing style. I like your storytelling. I would have liked to see maybe an encounter with the good guys though. Or at least some conflict within one of the villains. They are pure evil and everyone else is either mean or indifferent.

I did enjoy reading it though and I admire your willingness to do things your own way, something I wish I would see more of from other writers.

I can't read this one,which sucks because,well, i love vampires,fav creature of all time.

the reader is giving me some kind of error when it boots up because it trys to load some kind of update or somthing and fails.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson I just realized something when you mentioned there was opposition. There’s no good guys. There’s no one to root for. Even Dracula had a sort of tragic feel to its main character. I like your writing style. I like your storytelling. I would have liked to see maybe an encounter with the good guys though. Or at least some conflict within one of the villains. They are pure evil and everyone else is either mean or indifferent.

Well...the traditional opposition to the Tepish is not in this story. The primary conflict here is Erech struggling with who he is after the transmutation. It does have a down ending, and yeah, Erech is not exactly someone you'd want to root for.

As usual, I referred to the big picture. The Fempiror Chronicles actually have four divisions of people within them. Two are "friendly" and two aren't. Two are Fempiror, then the Mutation, and then humanity. The Fempiror side are divided into the Tepish and the Rastem. The Rastem protect humanity from the Tepish, and would be considered the "good guys." Humanity is mostly clueless about the Fempiror, whcih a few exceptions. The Mutation is with no one, and are enemies of the Rastem, Tepish, and humanity. That's a short version, anyway. It gets more complicated from there.

And sorry you can't get it to work, prodigal. Perhaps your Adobe is acting up and you could use a re-download of the reader...

Another script of your's has pleased me once again. I really liked this. Wow. Two great shorts by you.

I wonder what the Fempiror Chronicles are like.

OH MY GOSH!

POSSIBLE SPOILERS!  AGAIN POSSIBLE!






This was a perfect read to start my busy day, as it is 7 am and I got many things to do.  The use of blood was perfect, not too gory, and above the min. gore level.  I love the whole quote about results!  You are such a great writer.  This would make a perfect short film.  I loved the characters and everything.  Again, nice going and good luck with your scripts to come.

Quoted from George Willson It does have a down ending, and yeah, Erech is not exactly someone you'd want to root for.

Yes he is!  ;D

I liked it. There's no ultimate bad guy, Mr. Yoder wasn't completely terrible, though I didn't like him, or ultimate good guy, though I really didn't like Erech but I did relate to him. All in all, a good read. It was quick and I could see everything happening in my head. It wasn't all that gory, which I always like but it had action and swordplay. And who doesn't love vampires? I'm glad I gave this a look. By the way, A Tepish is Born reminded me of Cirque Du Freak, a book series about a kid becoming a vampire and dealing with not belonging to his life anymore. Maybe that's another reason why I liked it so much.

And I agree with breanne. It seemed like an introduction to a whole larger story. Not a bad thing.

Woot! i finaly got to read this and once again G.W. has made a fun to read script. i got some stuff i like and some stuff i don't. here they are.


what i love: I like the whole angle of him getting revenge on those that hurt the main character, good stuff.

the violence in this film can be done without getting too graphic and make for some cool stuff on film.

the group of vampires, reminds me of the game Vampire:The requiem and the groups they have in that.(Vampire:TR is a white wolf RPG)

the having to kill those that hurt him in order to get accepted was pretty cool. almost like in batman begins when bruce has to kill the murderer to join the league of shadows but you went completely the other way with it.


stuff i don't like: Don't like vampires using sowards.

don't like the fact he just kills his friends and is cool with it. i mean sure they deserved  something for disowning there friend, but death doesn't fit with what they did.

vampire cane is used to turn people insted of biting.


other than that it was pretty good and a fun read. i agree with everyone that this seems like part of a bigger story, but it seems less of an introduction and maybe more of teaser at the begining of a film or something of that nature.

good job once again.

Thanks prodigal, impulse, and TC. Glad you liked it.

I've answered a few things already in this thread, but for prodigal, a few answers.

First, welcome to my universe, these guys only resemble vampires, but they aren't the mythical creature. Swords are used because that is the weapon they've used since they were first created back during a war in 1385. They've never felt a need to do anything different. The Nilrof was created by the Tepish for the purposes of extracting one's own blood and transmutating another. They don't fall within the mythology of the vampire, so vampire cane would not apply...in fact, I didn't know this was even part of the mythology...the primary book I've read is Dracula.

Thanks again, though.

Quoted from George Willson Thanks prodigal, impulse, and TC. Glad you liked it. I've answered a few things already in this thread, but for prodigal, a few answers. First, welcome to my universe, these guys only resemble vampires, but they aren't the mythical creature. Swords are used because that is the weapon they've used since they were first created back during a war in 1385. They've never felt a need to do anything different. The Nilrof was created by the Tepish for the purposes of extracting one's own blood and transmutating another. They don't fall within the mythology of the vampire, so vampire cane would not apply...in fact, I didn't know this was even part of the mythology...the primary book I've read is Dracula. Thanks again, though.

Ah,there not truly vampires. now it makes some sense. the title got me thinking of Vlad the impaler who the Dracula myth stems from.

Ok then. i look foward to stuff yet to come.

Thanks, prodigal.

As for stuff yet to come? Well, I must confess that there is actually quite a bit of stuff out there already. This short (along with The Mutation Encounter) was intended to be a bit of a teaser for the larger works. Click on The Fempiror Chronicles in my sig and you'll find it. It's also under the "series" portion of the boards. This short is part of that canon.

I really liked this script. It was action packed and all the characters felt like real people to me, and this short actually got a movie playing in my mind unlike most scripts.

Cool.

This was a really nice read with lot's of action. Definately a good script. I still have to get to Fempiror, and I'm sure that's ten times better than this.

I think this is one of my favorites on the site. Great work George... (Sorry I'm not good at reviewing.) At least you know I read your script.

Oh yeah, and I had absolutely no problems with it. Which is an A in my book.

5/5

Not sure about that whole Fempiror thing? Today's script of the day is a niblet of the bigger picture...

well this was the script of the day so I decided to give it a gander.

*************possible spoilers****************

This was a pretty cool script, kind of a vampire like tale, even though there are no fangs or blood sucking, but it had all the other elements.

The first part of the story reminded me of Oliver in a way, yoder being an evil sadistic Fagin.

on page 9 Erech says "you're a fine lot"  I have no idea what that means, but I maybe it's me and it actually does mean something, if it does, that's my bad.

I like how Erech started hacking eveybody up, like uma in kill bill, well not that graphic but still...cool

all in all this was a fun easy read.  Good work :)

Thanks for reading, boywhocouldfly.

"Lot" is shorthand English for a lot of "something", which in this case is people. That phrase is typically used sarcastically to refer to people who are being two-faced or living up to a double standard where the speaker doesn't fit the new mold due to something that was recently discovered.

So, when someone says "you're a fine lot," what they're really saying is "you all suck."

thanks, I'm not really good with british slang, so know I learnd something:D