The Shadows by Daniel Robinson - Short, Sci Fi - When a business man gets a glimpse of what life could be like he changes his attitude towards life. - doc, format 8)

Here we go again with those exclamation marks. Not as much as "The Video Game" but it still bothers me.

I had no idea what I was reading. I had no information about this guy, I had no idea where he was working, I kept on wondering why "God" was the boss for whatever place he worked at. Please explain.

And this really confused me:

Hank ends up on the streets and he finds Mr. Warner walking next to him. He asks Mr. Warner if he remembered Hank, and Mr. Warner said "I'm sorry I don't think I've met you", or something like that. And then later on when they walk into the building, Mr. Warner seems to remember everything about Hank.  :-/

Try working on it. I don't really see what this script was about except for a guy who complained about his job.

Sean

Hey there,
Thanks for the insight. I worked on a few scripts in a short time and what feedback on them all.  As far as the exclamation marks... I use them to exspress what the reader is reading. I write books so when you write a book you use them as actions. So I will work on it all clear them up.

Thanks again,
Dan