The Get Together by Rick Swaby - Thriller - A highschool reunion in the woods of Maine gone horribly wrong. Specifically written low budget and targeted for the NC 17 audience ONLY. - pdf, format 8)

Removed by request

I didn't get too far in reading this, Rick.  This is the first script that I could say I found annoying to read.

First of all, you have to name you characters, and just man #1 and woman #5.  Even minor characters should have a name.

Second, you describe too many of your characters by the color of their skin.  On page one, you mention 'one black guy and three white.'  On page three, you write 'an impeccably dressed black man,' and 'a larger white teenage boy...dunks a black boy's head into a toilet.'  The list goes on.  Find a better way to describe your characters.  The way they're dressed would be nice.

Your dialogue is way too on the nose.  In your main character's speech at the beginning, he explained the whole premise of the story perfectly.  This is called on-the-nose dialogue.  People don't talk this way and the story is supposed to be shown to the movie viewer, not told.

Out of what I read, I had no feeling, good or bad, about any of your characters.  I don't know how many people you killed in this script, but I'm willing to bet it's too many.  Reduce the number of characters so you can develop them.


Phil

Like Dogglebe, I gravitated towards this one pretty quick.  And I stopped reading for pretty much the same reasons he listed.

But I think I was a little more intrigued by the set-up than he was.  Feels like a "Most Dangerous Game" kinda' thing.  Could be cool if done well.

I might try to get through the rest of this piece if Rick is actually around.  Hello?

The Get Together  was my first attempt at writing and was written in 2001. The dialogue neeeds polishing but  it's a very fun read if you get past the first 15 pages. Thank s for any feed back. Every bit helps.


Rick Swaby