Losing Touch by Tony K. Johnston - Thriller -  BEN CHATMAN in his mid thirties is an ordinary worker in a big firm. His life is boring and monotonous. In the working place Ben is always under pressure, because of his boss HAROLD, who is never satisfied from his work. The spark between Ben and his wife KATHERINE is long time gone. In his home Ben’s finds rather a place where he can escape from his intensive every day life than the love of his family – his wife and his little daughter JULLY. - doc, format 8)

That was pretty cool...the ending was a little strange…


SPOILERS*

1. I found that you dialogue was very poor. And you had a lot of messed up dialogue. For example:

CATHRINE
How did you spend the day at work?
  
   This should have been "How was your day at work."

OR

CATHERINE
Tomorrow you’re getting up earlier.
Don’t you go sleeping, too?

Umm...? "Don't you go sleeping, too?"

2. Your descriptions were a little messed up.

3. I’ve never heard of a SLAM CUT before…

Welp, that was my sorry excuse of a comment right there. It was my first REAL script comment that I pointed out all the flaws I found. I think you should do a rewrite and fix the grammar and diolouge problems.

>--Chris--<