Scars from a Rehearsed Existence by Caleb Feigin - Short - This is a story of a girl who is very full of herself. She is conceited and boastful. Suddenly one day she overhears gossip about her, and as a result notices all of her flaws. This pushes her into a world of self discovery, and discovery about the scars and the world. - rtf, format :B)

Clearly this script is more for the director's mind, and is not really in a script format. But I'd love some critisism.

Reading other people's scripts is a good way to get yours read.


Phil

Gosh, Caleb.  I'm not even sure where to start on this one.  You seem to already know the formatting on this one is hopelessly whacked, right?  I guess it's OK if this is some kind of weird shorthand for a piece you intend to direct yourself, but frankly, most people who actually read things on this site will take one look at this file and close it right back down, unread.

I went through it, though, and have some comments, with spoilers:

*  Don't include specific songs.  Unless you're the director, this decision will almost certainly not be yours to make.
*  The "inner clock" thing is a nice variation on the fairly conventional "begin with an alarm clock going off."
*  I have no idea what you mean by "Dominions".
*  I am often confused about where the action is taking place.  What room is she getting drunk in?  Is this an office?  And later, somebody says that the office is actually a house?  We need a little more description to understand the settings.
*  "...knocking something glass over..."  Well, what is it?
*  Some of this dialogue is just not natural, by any standards.  Here is one example for you:  "You had been speaking to one of my friends, and you were making fun of how fat I was. And I was fat, so it made perfect sense. I developed an eating disorder. Belimia. I've just recently gotten over it."  Have you read your dialogue aloud?  You really should.
*  Mom's heart attack is pretty random.  There isn't a doctor in the world that would blame Skye for this, leave alone one that would attibute it to simple "panic".  And where did this sister suddenly come from, anyway?

Is Skye supposed to be likable and sympathetic or not?  Her character is so wildly inconsistent that I am really not sure what we are supposed to take away from this story regarding her change -- if, in fact, she has changed at all.  It kind of seems like everybody but Donna still hates her, and you never make it clear why Donna should like her at all.  Seems like Donna should hate her, too.

So, criticism pretty much boils down to three items:  Format, dialogue, and sympathetic characters that behave consistently with proper motivations for their behavior.  Hope some of this helps you out.

I looked at it, but it's really hard to read. Like you said, it's not really in script format. Bert said everything really.

>--Chris--<

Caleb, here is one advice from a guy that are learning all day how to write screenplays.

One of my dead teatchers sayd at school: "Look, Relio, don't worry about formatting well your story when you are creating it, but don't show it  that way to anyone else. NEVER! Format properly and then show it!"