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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Action/Adventure Scripts  /  In Don We Trust
Posted by: Don, February 11th, 2006, 1:21pm
In Don We Trust by Steven Cameron (Wesley) - Adventure, Short, Comedy - Heretic is summoned by Don at SimplyScripts Mental Institution because Wesley is missing, nobody will ever be the same once this story is told. 40 pages - html, format 8)
Posted by: Nixon, February 11th, 2006, 7:44pm; Reply: 1
Iíve been busy with my on-line class; but hopefully Iíll get the chance to finish this tonight. Great so far.

-Zavier
Posted by: Alan_Holman (Guest), February 11th, 2006, 8:58pm; Reply: 2
Magnificent!  Brilliant!  Encore!

*throws many flowers at the stage whereupon you bow*

Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 11th, 2006, 11:31pm; Reply: 3
This is the final cut, unedited. I did leave out a few scenes that would be after Casey's scene where Jason and Kenny talk about a lot of screenplays from this site but like all fun things I had to cut it before the script became feature length.

And I know some characters were not described, that was on purpose.

I'm glad you liked it Alan, really was nervous when I seen that you replied though ha-ha
Posted by: thegardenstate89 (Guest), February 12th, 2006, 12:32am; Reply: 4
I have to say, despit my skepticism about the simply scripter scripts fad, I enjoyed this one too. Very nice job Wesley. There's nothing I could complain about. In the beginning I was confused but I went back and re read it and I concluded that you kicked this adventure off brilliantly. Very unique.
Posted by: bert, February 12th, 2006, 12:58pm; Reply: 5
Hey Wes.  My favorite aspect to this one was the way you managed incorporate yourself -- twice! -- without seeming self-indulgent.  It all worked to the betterment of the story.

Of all the challenges with SimplyNoir, the biggest question was including ourselves.  George threw himself in there with great zeal -- and we went back and forth about it for a bit, but in the end it seems to have worked -- but it was only under protest that I made an appearance at all.

But you really pulled it off.  Your character was amongst my favorites here.

Technical comments are just silly on something like this, but I will give you a few more things that I really liked:

*  Andy, about Breanne.
*  Andy, breaking the trophy.
*  Alanis.
*  "Wilson".
*  "Wesley is a dick."
*  Uwe Boll.  In retrospect, I wish George and I had thought to incorporate some famous people, too.  There is really no reason not to.
*  George vs. Andrew.
*  The high horse.  Brilliant.  With Impulse, yet!

And I found myself in there, too, as I suspected I might.  The only problem I have with my character is that he always refers to himself in the third person.  I certainly don't mind -- but I don't get it, either.  Is it part of the joke?  Does Bert really do that?

So, anyway, this was a very successful piece, Wes, and a very unique addition the S.S. catalogue.  I doubt that we will see another quite like it.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 12th, 2006, 2:13pm; Reply: 6
The whole Bert dummy would basically be in context to the story a way to further pull in Heretic. Also it sets up the deleted scene reveal with the real you.

I wouldn't read much into that, I changed things to further the plot.

Celebrities are great, originally I had Bruce Campbell make an appearance (In the opening dream) but he had to be cut as well for time.

Iím glad people have enjoyed it so far.
Posted by: Nixon, February 12th, 2006, 2:54pm; Reply: 7
Good stuff.

Once again you've impressed me. You managed to take these s.s. scripts (in my opinion) a fad that was getting old and rejuvenated it with originality. Your time on theses boards really shows, you've managed to use every character (member) in an interesting and new manner (Don didn't die). Good job, although it could have used a cameo by D.J. Fresh Boots  :)

-Zavier
Posted by: Alan_Holman (Guest), February 12th, 2006, 3:00pm; Reply: 8

Quoted from Old Time Wesley
I'm glad you liked it Alan, really was nervous when I seen that you replied though ha-ha


Nervous!?  Truth is you didn't get the dialogue in the shower scene right, but I won't hold it against you :)
Posted by: Antemasque, February 12th, 2006, 7:11pm; Reply: 9
That was crazy man.
Great job.  ;D
Posted by: Higgonaitor, February 12th, 2006, 9:42pm; Reply: 10
Wes, I was confused at parts, but nothing like, that would completely throw me off, so in the end, I ended up really enjoying this.  Good job.  Did you know your the only one who did not use the fact that people think I resemble jack black as a joke?  Kudos to you for that.

My favorite part might have to be Andy coming up with her super power.
Posted by: Impulse, February 12th, 2006, 11:46pm; Reply: 11
Wow. Great stuff, Wesley. I especially liked me in there ;) ... but either there was a typo or you don't know that I'm a girl (if the Cary Grant & Ingrid Bergman avatar didn't tip you off). Either way, I loved it. And everything was great... but I have to stick to this board more because there were some jokes that I didn't get. But it didn't ruin the entire experience for me, I still liked it a lot.  
Posted by: CindyLKeller, February 13th, 2006, 8:34am; Reply: 12
A very entertaining read, Wes.
I particularly liked Andy's one-liners. They made me laugh.
Another simplyscript member script, and another good read. :) I love these scripts.

Cindy
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 13th, 2006, 9:17am; Reply: 13
Impulse... Wow, I'm shocked I honestly have thought you as being a male. I have that problem with people; if they don't say it I will never know (Magic of the internet) I thought Andy was a guy until she said something.

Seriously though that was a character judgment on my behalf (I feel a bit stupid) Thinking of it maybe I did know that but forgot along the way and somehow you became a guy.

NiXon - Dj Fresh Boots is going to have his own series, in fact I came up with a great premise and all I need is for someone with experience in the radio business to give me a few pointers on the ins and outs of what it's like. (I could do research but a living breathing person is much better for specific questions)

Higgonaitor - So you don't think Higgity Higgity Hello will catch on and replace Giggity Giggity Goo? I used you just so I could use that catch phrase and I thought you torturing me by making me watch the lost episode of mindless was funny.

Don actually did die in my original draft, in fact here's an excerpt from the notes I make before I write something.

Quoted Text
They find Wesley, Don dives in front of him before he is shot by the bad guy whoever it is.

The only reason it changed is because halfway through the writing of the screenplay you'll notice I changed things to make it a big conspiracy, it was originally Don doing the Lord of the Rings death scene as the one dying. Also originally when Don says "I'm his father" it was the truth but I thought that people might begin thinking weird thoughts so I changed it and made it the way it is.

I hope this gives people that push to write their own because you don't need to know us, you just need to give a little effort into making it as dumb as possible.

Also Higgonaitor we both have Don say "Here's Donny" at least I remember him saying that in yours. I honestly read yours after I sent mine in so it was even more funny that they kind of tie in.
Posted by: Higgonaitor, February 13th, 2006, 2:08pm; Reply: 14

Quoted from Old Time Wesley

Also Higgonaitor we both have Don say "Here's Donny" at least I remember him saying that in yours. I honestly read yours after I sent mine in so it was even more funny that they kind of tie in.


Yeah, I noticed that too, yours is closert to the shining, what with Don chopping through a door, but I think we both used it pretty comically.
Posted by: Shelton, February 13th, 2006, 4:04pm; Reply: 15
Wes,

Good job and a really fast 40 pages.  I think you were able to go a little more in-depth with the limited number of characters, and the laughs were there throughout.

Casey is a genius.
Posted by: George Willson, February 13th, 2006, 9:14pm; Reply: 16
That was fun. Had some good laughs, a decent story, and some really clever stuff as well as some amazing insight into a lot of the people around here. Took quite a few liberties as we all did, but it worked really well. I figured if anyone would be able to do a site parody script, it would be you.

Good job.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 13th, 2006, 10:41pm; Reply: 17
I wouldn't try to find every reference in here because it would take awhile, some are hidden, some only me and that person would ever know and others are obvious like Don watching Starbuck Starr.


Quoted Text
Casey is a genius.


You wouldn't believe how tame that piece was compared to the character in the series, also writing that scene gave me the idea to make it In Don We Trust instead of Heretic The Avenger.

Maybe I shot myself in the foot by changing the title so late in the game.
Posted by: Nixon, February 13th, 2006, 10:53pm; Reply: 18

Quoted from Old Time Wesley


NiXon - Dj Fresh Boots is going to have his own series, in fact I came up with a great premise and all I need is for someone with experience in the radio business to give me a few pointers on the ins and outs of what it's like. (I could do research but a living breathing person is much better for specific questions)


Let me know when you start this, I would like to help out. Maybe write a episode.

-Zavier
:)
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 14th, 2006, 8:39am; Reply: 19
The series would be easy and original but would almost be a spin-off of my better known series.

I guess you could call it Fraiser - The Derty Version, anyone know if Fraiser is at all accurate of how a radio personality would be shown? Him sitting in a chair talking endlessly and a producer behind a glass booth watching on.

If so I've watched Fraiser forever (Not that I like him, he's kind of like chalk.)
Posted by: Andy Petrou, February 19th, 2006, 3:18pm; Reply: 20
Hey Steven,

Just wanted to say well done for a very fun script!! I have to say, I rather enjoyed my one liners in this too, lol! Really well written and I enjoyed getting to know some of the characters a bit more and in different ways than had already been done before. Loved Don and Heretic in particular. Good stuff!

Also enjoyed the new bits that I hadn't read yet too. Funny, quick and easy to read, good length too. Loved the twist btw!!!!

Well done and it was so nice to read something else by you!!!! I wouldn't mind re-reading this again at another time, cos I enjoyed it that much  ;D

Andy xxx


PS - Andrew and Higgs, I will be reading both your scripts next and will review as soon as I can.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 19th, 2006, 4:30pm; Reply: 21
I just wish I knew Impulse was in fact a woman at the time because Heretic's character needed a love interest. I also hinted towards a love interest between you and Don but it may make you seem... easy for lack of a better term with Corey Feldman earlier in the script.

Did it come across that I wasn't a big fan of Corey Feldman? After the Surreal Life I lost a lot of respect for the guy.

I hinted towards a sequel or continuation with Balt, Breanne and myself wearing a bathrobe robbing a bank to get Balt back into SimplyScripts Mental Institution but I'm not actually going to write that.

I'll let someone else write that, if you want to write it please feel free to do it.
Posted by: Andy Petrou, February 19th, 2006, 4:41pm; Reply: 22
Yeah, the surreal life wasn't his greatest move.... I'll give you that, lol!! Still, I LOVED my fictional relationship with him ... good stuff!!! LOL!!! Actually, I was surprised you chose him and though you did pick on him a bit, it didn't strike me as hatred for him or anything... just think back to Lost Boys to help you forget about SL.

I think it's fine as it is personally.

Andy x


Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 19th, 2006, 5:20pm; Reply: 23
I remember you getting defensive in a past post of mine where I bashed Corey, you don't remember that? That was probably way back when I thought you were a guy as well ha-ha.

The Surreal Life has done about as much for the people on it as it did for the viewers... Especially Bronson Pinchot and Mini Me. That show shows the ugly side of being famous and it's not pretty.

The one Corey Feldman film I'll always remember is "Stand By Me" because it was such a good movie for the time it was made (Now that I bring it up somebody will remake it... Do you hear that? Uwe Boll is coming.)
Posted by: Impulse, February 19th, 2006, 9:32pm; Reply: 24

Quoted Text
Impulse... Wow, I'm shocked I honestly have thought you as being a male. I have that problem with people; if they don't say it I will never know (Magic of the internet) I thought Andy was a guy until she said something.

Seriously though that was a character judgment on my behalf (I feel a bit stupid) Thinking of it maybe I did know that but forgot along the way and somehow you became a guy.


That's the internet for you. No problem.
Posted by: Heretic, February 21st, 2006, 1:44pm; Reply: 25

Quoted from Old Time Wesley
...because Heretic's character needed a love interest.


No kidding!  I thought I might get Andy off the start but then I lost to Corey "Sarah's Gynecologist" Feldman...sheesh.  

I'm glad you wrote this, Wes, although you really threw me for a loop with that name change.  Anyway, I thought this was really enjoyable, with that particular odd style of yours.  Great idea throwing celebrities in there...surprised no-one else thought of that.

I don't know if I missed in-jokes because I haven't been around lately but ah well that's how things go.



Posted by: Jimbo, February 21st, 2006, 3:55pm; Reply: 26
I hope I don't catch crap for this... But during this script, for some reason the song "Let's Talk About Sex" was playing over and over again in my mind as I read.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 21st, 2006, 7:57pm; Reply: 27
The song "I Like Big Butts" by Right Said Fred is always playing in my head so... the fact that I know the artist is sad and proves I am a product child of the 90's.

Heretic the opening shot with the cigarette was actually a nod to your avatar but I am not sure how to do an over the shoulder shot without using the WE crap that everybody hates.

I took that profile you wrote and used a lot of the things you liked and didn't in here, yes a lot of my references to people are somewhat obscure, maybe cloaked in darkness.


Quoted Text
No kidding!  I thought I might get Andy off the start but then I lost to Corey "Sarah's Gynecologist" Feldman...sheesh.


You actually would have if not for the Corey angle, I was talking to Andy leading up to this and I was telling her it was going to be the two of you locked in the forbidden tango but ultimately I felt compelled to add The Feld.

Frankly my favorite scene was Shaman, I even told him about it before I sent it in. More people need to read In Purgatory, film noir will never be the same.
Posted by: Andy Petrou, February 22nd, 2006, 2:40am; Reply: 28

Quoted from Old Time Wesley
The song "I Like Big Butts" by Right Said Fred is always playing in my head so... the fact that I know the artist is sad and proves I am a product child of the 90's.


......Wasn't "I like big butts" by Sir Mixalot??????? I thought Right Said Fred did - I'm too sexy! I have both those tunes and they ROCK!!!!!!!!

Anyhow, sorry, noticed that and had to query it....

I know Chris, I thought we were 'hooking up' in this script too, lol!!!

Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 22nd, 2006, 9:07am; Reply: 29
You see all the music is blending together and I forget things but I meant I'm Too Sexy. Both of those guys are dead (To the public) so I don't think they'll mind if I screw up their names collectively.

But thanks for that.


Quoted Text
I know Chris, I thought we were 'hooking up' in this script too, lol!!!


You've always got the sequel Andy.
Posted by: James McClung, February 22nd, 2006, 5:51pm; Reply: 30
Another great addition to the SS script library that's been growing here for sometime. Some great moments in this one. The high horse was the highlight for me. Some nice, funny twists on the characters as well. I liked Higgonaitor's character in particular because he was so crazy, Corey Feldman was kind of random but funny nevertheless, and Boll seriously got the shaft in this one, which is always great.

The opening scene didn't make much sense to me and seemed out of place but I enjoyed the rest of the script anyway. Good job.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, February 22nd, 2006, 8:33pm; Reply: 31
Corey Feldman was a reference to Andy's Goonies fan-isms, yes he was a random add in as I could have made the dark figure somebody from the site... Hell Bert probably would have worked better as the dark figure but that's what happens when you get ideas later on after the fact.

I did that opening scene for 2 reasons, 1. It references a conversation between Heretic and I where he introduced me to Shaolin Soccer and 2. I wanted Andy to be on a flying pirate ship, that was part of a plot I didn't stick with.

Best way to explain SimplyScripts Screenplays - A bunch of random events brought together by the addition of a silly plot.

Thanks for the read, if nothing else at least people have fun reading these types of scripts.
Posted by: I_M, February 22nd, 2006, 11:02pm; Reply: 32
Hehe...I was laughing about the "Dummy" part. This script is very etertaining, and I was laughing at some of the funny parts. I can see I was not in this one, but oh well.

Good script.

E.T.
Posted by: Andy Petrou, February 23rd, 2006, 3:39pm; Reply: 33

Quoted from Old Time Wesley
Corey Feldman was a reference to Andy's Goonies fan-isms, yes he was a random add in as I could have made the dark figure somebody from the site... Hell Bert probably would have worked better as the dark figure but that's what happens when you get ideas later on after the fact.


Bert and I??????? I keep thinking of Bert's avatar pic and mine making off with one another. How funny. Would have been a mighty interesting read, lmao!  ;D

I LOVE that flying goonies pirate ship. Dammit, Steven, now I'm gonna have to invent one along with my Goonie-fied Delorean.
Posted by: Breanne Mattson, March 16th, 2006, 10:50pm; Reply: 34
I thought this was really funny. I even had a cameo. Highlights for me:


ALANIS
I made a song about irony once.

CHRIS
Now you're a washed up anorexic whore with less talent than your boyfriend.

- I donít know who her boyfriend is but itís still pretty darn funny.


CHRIS
Stay here.

ANDY
I like to travel great distances.

- Haha


CHRIS
Damn, this hand has done so many things for me I thought a Jedi mind trick might work on you.

- This is just wrong, man! Haha!


Don creaking out of his chair was a good one.


- ďStuck in the Middle with YouĒ by Bob Dylan? I didnít know Bob recorded it. You sure you donít mean Gerry Rafferty (with Steelerís Wheel)?


ANDY
You're my bitch, remember that.

- This should be Andyís new sig. -- haha!


COREY
Hey, do you think Uwe Boll would use me in his next movie?

- Haha. I saw Corey on the Surreal Life. He really is that pathetic.


And darn, Heretic is actually a pretty good superhero name for real.

Good job, Wes. I laughed quite a bit.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, March 17th, 2006, 8:40am; Reply: 35
Yeah about that song, damned song was mislabeled... Stealers Wheel is the band who recorded it, I guess I should have caught that but what can you do?

It's that dude from Blade 3.. Ryan Reynolds.

You actually had more than just a small cameo in the original idea, as Andy's first mate you'd be key to the original plot which was basically Heretic and Bruce Campbell (As Ash) against you and Andy (The Pirates) with your crew of mighty women.

When the mental institution thing came to me I couldn't resist... If I ever write the sequel or if you wanted to it'd be you, balt and Steven robbing a bank trying to get balt back on SS.

But who knows if that'll ever happen.
Posted by: Andy Petrou, March 17th, 2006, 5:52pm; Reply: 36

Quoted from Breanne Mattson


ANDY
I like to travel great distances.

- Haha

ANDY
You're my bitch, remember that.

- This should be Andyís new sig. -- haha!


I thought these were hillarious too... If only I was this funny in real life!  ;D In fact, I took your advice and made it my sig under my avatar..... excellent idea, and I shall indeed give that line a go... haha.

x

Posted by: Breanne Mattson, March 18th, 2006, 3:48am; Reply: 37

Quoted from Andy Petrou
In fact, I took your advice and made it my sig under my avatar...


Haaa -- thatís hilarious!
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, March 18th, 2006, 3:15pm; Reply: 38
If only Balt were here to see or read any of this, I'm sure he'd love and hate it at the same time.

I'm not very good at writing female characters so I just make them "bad" ass so they become sexual but in a way that it's manipulative. (When women use men it makes me happy, it's like that saying when something happens an angel gets his wings)

The sequel should be a bank robbery but I had the funniest idea after watching the Pamela Anderson roast on DVD (Great DVD) what if a sex tape leaked out and Don had to call in the Investigative crew (Members to be determined) and what is on that tape could ruin the image of one of the moderators.

Anyways I'll leave that idea to linger.
Posted by: Martin, March 19th, 2006, 6:24pm; Reply: 39
This is one of the funnier SS scripts I've read. You write some really punchy dialogue. I like the idea of SS as a mental asylum. It actually makes a lot of sense.

Here's a few of the things I liked:

The Alanis thing cracked me up. Harsh but fair :)

Hey kids, it's George Wilson - hahaha

Nice to see Uwe made the cut.

HERETIC (CONT'D)
Are you trying to get inside my mind?

DON
What? No.

Shaft versus Zombies. Now that's a great idea.

They both look down at the bloody twisted wreck that is Uwe Boll's body :)

I love your emotional death scene with Don. It brought a tear to my eye.

It was a fun read. I think I've overdosed on these SS parody scripts for now, but the sex tape thing sounds like a great idea for a sequel.

Nice work.
Posted by: Old Time Wesley, March 19th, 2006, 10:23pm; Reply: 40
I'm not sure why I'm mean to people like Alanis, sure she's got the vocal range of a turtle but she's done nothing physically wrong. She's Canadian, have to represent for my home and native land.

It's ironic, don't you think?

You know writing that dramatic death scene that's what I tried to do, Lord of the Rings had me tearing up in the scene I used as a parody. Emotions are hard to generate through a screenplay. (Nobody else mentioned it so it must not work as much in comedy)

Thanks for enjoying it though, what else is it here for if not for that?
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