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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Holiday Tradition
Posted by: Don, February 15th, 2006, 5:37pm
Holiday Tradition by Mike Shelton - Short - Sometimes tradition can be a powerful thing.  Valentine's Day Visual Writing Exercise Entry. 3 pages - doc, format 8)
Posted by: Martin, February 15th, 2006, 6:34pm; Reply: 1
Nice idea, well executed. I really like it. Simple, but effective. Not much else to say about a 3 pager.

Good job!
Posted by: bert, February 15th, 2006, 6:48pm; Reply: 2
I'll echo Martin -- really well done -- if really short.  There is nothing to bust on here -- it's all good -- but then, it's only three pages, too.

Why...it's even touching (sniffle, sniffle).

However, I would say that after three years (and however many more years there were before that), the chick working the cash register needs to re-examine her career goals.
Posted by: tomson (Guest), February 15th, 2006, 9:13pm; Reply: 3
Nice job. You managed to make me feel sad, and in just three pages too.
That's an accomplishment in itself.
:)
Posted by: sfpunk, February 15th, 2006, 9:30pm; Reply: 4
very nice job
again like everyone else there isn't much to say about this script. It's short but has a nice little point. Good deeds don't go unoticed :)
I don't know if that was your intention but that's what I got out of it. But yeah, very nice. 3 pages seems short but it goes to show that you can have a nice complete story of that length. Your descripts were broken up appropriately and it flowed nicely.
an enjoyable read for my first short in this challenge
-Matt
Posted by: Mr.Z, February 16th, 2006, 3:55pm; Reply: 5
Good job, Mike. You achieved a strong emotional tone in just three pages.

SPOILERS

- The last mark on the calendar was a powerful visual of the characterīs death; I liked that one.

- "INT. SUNNYSIDE RETIREMENT HOME, MAIN LOBBY - DAY"
Some of your slugs were too long, IMO. You could try: "INT. RETIREMENT HOME/MAIN LOBBY - DAY" or just "INT. MAIN LOBBY - DAY"

Overall, a fast and an interesting read. Good job.
Posted by: Helio, February 16th, 2006, 4:16pm; Reply: 6
Mike, simple and very touchable story this a type of script that many new directors are looking for in order to show theirs directing skills.

Nice, very nice 3 pages, but believe me Mike write more fews pages and you will see what could happen next.
Posted by: greg, February 16th, 2006, 8:49pm; Reply: 7
Wow, rather touching and a nice emotional piece for just 3 pages.  I agree, some of the sluglines are too long.  

INT.  SUNNYSIDE RETIREMENT HOME, MAIN LOBBY - DAY

The elderly group sits around the lobby with looks of sadness on their face.

You pretty much solved your own problem right there.

So yes, a very nice and sweet piece!  What happened to PDF?  It's so much more cleaner than Word.
Posted by: Breanne Mattson, February 16th, 2006, 10:02pm; Reply: 8
Mike,

This was just really sweet. It brought tears to my eyes. I think if I had been watching it on television or something, it may have made me cry. Very well done. Very moving and effective in such a short span. This is only the second Valentineís Day script Iíve been able to read but I canít imagine a piece evoking so much emotion (and such a gamut of emotion -- I was moved to smile as well as almost cry) in such a short span.

Very moving. Now, this is what I like. Something to touch me and affect me. Great work.

Breanne
Posted by: Shelton, February 17th, 2006, 4:18pm; Reply: 9
Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I was definitely going for the jugular in terms of sadness here, and I'm glad I was able to accomplish that.

Yeah, I really hate those sluglines, but I figured what the hell.

Bert,

Why would she think about a new career?  She's a pharmacist.  The pharmacy is supposed to be one of those Mom and Pop types, not like a Walgreens/Osco/CVS
Posted by: The boy who could fly, December 21st, 2006, 7:01am; Reply: 10
Hey Mike,

This was really different coming from you, there was no dialogue, which I think was the purpose of this exercise, so if I didn't see your name I don't think I would have known this was from you.

This was a very nice story, even though it's a valentine's day theme, I think the theme would work even as a Christmas story in a way, so I figured upon reading it I would give it a bump ;D

this put a smile on my face even though it is kinda sad.

the scene with the candy boxes at the grave site was a very nice touch and a good way to end it.

nice work.
Posted by: Shelton, December 21st, 2006, 11:19pm; Reply: 11
Jordan,

Thanks once again for bringing one of my scripts back from the depths.  In all honesty, I'm rather proud of this one.  When the "contest" was first mentioned, I was a little nervous about the inability to use dialogue, given my habit of "talky" writing.

But, in the end, I sat down for a bit, thought it out, and came up wiith this.  I think it's a nice piece, and I definitely overcame the no dialogue obstacle even if I did manage only 3 pages.

Thanks again for checking it out, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Posted by: Takeshi (Guest), July 25th, 2007, 6:11am; Reply: 12
Hey Mike,

Thanks for referring me to this. Looking at your formatting has been helpful and I'm clear about what I need to do with my script now. It seems I just need to put spaces between the paragraphs, and single sentences, to make up for the lack of dialogue and scene headings.

SPOILER

As for this story, I thought it was well written and you crammed a fair bit into two and quarter pages. For the sake of making a suggestion, perhaps the people could be eating the chocolates at the cemetery, so it's like they're showing their old friend that they're still enjoying his generosity, however, your ending works well.  I like the idea of them giving back to him.  
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