Two's Company,  Three's a Crowd! by Shane Sheridan - Short, Silent - Two burglars coincidently attempt to break into the same house. This leads to a dramatic and unnerving climax. 4 pages - doc, format 8)

Hey Shane. Look I read you work and realy I don

as I was saying... I know you intended to show us that the teens disturbed the bugler project and cause his death, but it was a very linear relate, either twists or surprises.

An advice cut all camera moves and things like “we see” etc. and place it again.

I think it has a really cool premise to it. The waking of the owner gives some tension. The existence of the second "burglar" continues to add to the glue holding the simple subject together. I feel like there is some kind of message inherent in the death of the burglar, like maybe remember to keep your safety engaged or something.

I think the biggest benefit to this piece would be assigning the character's names. They would be easier to keep up with that way. If you watch silent films, you'll note that all the characters have name whether they are titled or not. Just helps in referencing people.

Yea i pitched the idea to my script writing teacher....no turns out that i'm doin a complete reversal of the tone. she loved the idea of the two burgalars but instead of a tense thriller we decided to make it into a comedy...i.e one of the burglars is an overwieght slob who rips a pair of womens tights to put over his head...the other criminal is a mastermind.....long story short the stupid one walks out with his head held high...while the mastermind 'genius' is arrested.

i will hopefully get to upload the new version. thanks for the advice

regards