Candy by Matthew Orobko - Short - Chronologically, this is part one of Matthew Orobko's Trilogy Of Love And Death (the next two being the Bath and Cold Feet) but the last one to be released. In Candy, the effects of high school drama and obsession are examined that ultimately lead to a dreadful and horrifying climax. 8 pages - doc, format 8)

I see you wussed out on your original title -- kind of -- but that's OK.  It was pretty out there after all.  I read this anyway.

(SPOILERS)

*  You say "Candy sticks out like a sore thumb", but that is not enough in a script.  You need to tell us why she sticks out.
*  Candy's dialogue at the top of page 6 is also V.O., I think, but you didn't say that.
*  It's confusing that so many characters don't have names -- just "girl" and "other girl" and stuff like that.  At the very least, I think Candy's boyfriend deserves a name.

So now I've read your whole trilogy, and I think this one is the best of them.  Myself, I liked "Cold Feet" the least.  They are all short and nasty -- and taken together I think I like them better than as individual works -- so I'll put that out there as a good thing.

You've got the "punch" thing down -- these shorts give something of a jolt -- but they really don't deliver much in terms of stuff to think about later.  They are shock for the sake of shock, with characters that only exist to feed the story.  But in fairness, I think "Candy" is the "fullest" character to be found in any of these.

Shoot for a little more depth with your next project.  I am sensing that you can do that if you try.

Thanks for your comments bert.

I just wanted everybody to know that in no way was I trying to follow conventional screenwriting methods in any of the 3 shorts. These were more experimental.

Specifically, to your comment about the names of the characters bert, you'll notice that the only name in any of the 3 shorts is Candy (which is revealed as not even being her actual name). I chose to do this deliberately in order to show the complete anomity of the whole issue I was trying to convey.

Anyways, I'm glad you liked it. My next project is a feature-length script tentatively titled 'Freaks of Nature' and if any of you were grossed out by any of the 3 shorts in the trilogy...wait till you read this... ;)