The Novel by Matt Layden (TheUsualSuspect) - Short - A man trying to write a new novel develops writers block. Even worse, things arond him begins to change, like the disappearance and reappearance of his wife and friends. Is he losing his mind, or is it something else… 21 pages - pdf, format 8)

Before I get my ass chewed up, yes I know I put the names in capital, which I shouldn't have. As well as spelling mistakes. I hardly ever proof read the scripts, unless they're longer then a short.

Did nobody read it, or does nobody like it? :B

I liked it.  Character Limbo huh?  Imaginative, short and to the point.  Can't really critique it past that.  Possibly a couple of things.  When Robert is trying to get some, you don't really need his wife telling him isn't going to get any.  Just have her turn her head.  That would be sufficient.

Typos and Character Caps, well I won't mention them.

Maybe the other suggestion would be that Robert change a little bit more dramatically.  Maybe other settings just to fuck with our heads a little bit more.  And then have him wake up back at home.  You have him waking up at home all of the time with small changes and that is a bit monotonous.

Besides that, good job.  You had me until the end.

A

Wow this is the definition of a creative script. I mean the ending was just…wow. And with a twist! Your script is awesome.

HUGE SPOILERS!



The Good
-Character descriptions…..excellent
-Setting descriptions….excellent
-The boxers with the giant smiley face was good, it shows the personality of the character.
-What a strange twist at the end, pretty cool.
-The characters were all very different. No character was flat.

The Bad
-The woman said honey way too much in the beginning. It just didn’t sound natural.
-It was never explained why Robert and Sarah weren’t having sex. What was the deal on that?
-You should probably write their ages because in some parts I thought they were like in their mid-forties and times when they would say “dude!” I thought they were younger.
-This is hard to explain, but when Robert sees Jimmy’s new car at the end of the scene it seems like he admits that Jimmy might have had that car, but he just can’t remember. He says that writer’s block may be messing up his memory. Robert wouldn’t give in like that because if Jimmy says they rode in it everyday he would have remembered.
-When Robert gets angered and screams at Robert and Jimmy for the first time when he is looking for the video tapes it seems like that anger came out of nowhere.

Questions/Comments
-I’m not sure of this problem needs fixing or if it was the way the story is supposed to be, but I needed some closure, a more elaborate ending, however this one is probably fine it’s just that the script was satisfying in a way and unsatisfying in others.
-How come we couldn’t see any of the other characters that had been discarded?
-Why doesn’t the man answer the question at the end and why does he continue to change clothes?
-The part where Robert can see what’s going on, but neither Ted nor Sarah are listening to him was odd, because why would that happen? The author didn’t write it.


Awesome script you’ve got talent.

Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting.  ;D

hey man cool script!  it made me think of those old kick ass black & white Twilight Zones.

Can't really add much to what's already been said about the story other than I enjoyed reading it.

Brion

Quoted from TAnthony Questions/Comments -I’m not sure of this problem needs fixing or if it was the way the story is supposed to be, but I needed some closure, a more elaborate ending, however this one is probably fine it’s just that the script was satisfying in a way and unsatisfying in others. -How come we couldn’t see any of the other characters that had been discarded? -Why doesn’t the man answer the question at the end and why does he continue to change clothes? -The part where Robert can see what’s going on, but neither Ted nor Sarah are listening to him was odd, because why would that happen? The author didn’t write it.

Sorry I didn't get to these questions earlier, work load is overwhelming lately.

Spoilers for script:

The ending, I've had some negative and positive feedback on it. He's basically stuck there forever, with every other character that's been disregarded.

The place that they were was the "gate room" for the place. I know I didn't explain this, but the other characters are there, just not in the same place, if that amkes any sense to you at all.

The guy answer the questions at the end because he was the first character to ever be thrown into LIMBO. He considers himself to be the "MORPHEUS" of the place. Him changing clothes was just a way to show that the character can make abnormal things happen in the place. Since it's not based in any reality that we live in.

The part where Robert can see the other characters, but the cannot see him was a transition phase from the Novel to the Limbo World. It's not a direct zap there, it's a slow transition. The author got rid of him and he was slowly disapearing from the novel, until he opened the door and was finally gone all together.

Does this help?