The Suicide Boys Stop The Bleeding by Brett Gilwee - Horror - During an effort to prove a best friend's innocence, charged with a brutal double murder, an unlikely band of punk rock High School students discover a coven of demons, hell-bent on subjugating the souls of every last man, woman, and child of a Southern California suburb community. 111 pages - html, format 8)

"During an effort to prove a best friend's innocence, charged with a brutal double murder, an unlikely band of punk rock High School students discover a coven of demons, hell-bent on subjugating the souls of every last man, woman, and child of a Southern California suburb community."

Hahaha. I just HAVE to take a look at this. Oh, my God, I swear I had an idea almost EXACTLY like this before! But.....I scrapped it up and never got to pg. 1 :p

I will give you my thoughts on this once I get around to reading it.

I have no idea if this script's writer is around, but I still read this thing so I just have to comment on it.

Um, wow. I'm not gonna lie, this was just cheesy as hell. Winged demons flying about, building an army, a mysterious red goo, wtf?

Anyway, you did a good job with the descriptions although  you repeated yourself numerous times. You used "despite him/herself" way too many times, for example. You should find another way to describe that even if you're meaning the same thing, specially if you're gonna use it like 15 times in the screenplay.

This kind of reminded me of The Faculty, it was basically the same thing: Red goo is the parasite, the people acting weird, all of the different social groups, etc.

Another problem I had was that you wanted specific songs in the screenplay. That's just wrong. Instead of writing somewthing like "Garbage's i-don't-remember-this-song blasts through the house" just write "Loud Punk music blasts around the house" or something like that.

On the better side, I did like some of the characters. Specially Brooke's mom and Richie.

And last, the ending! I would advise you to change that, it was just WAY too far-fetched. I realize you didn't want the "happy ending" but yours with the Government forces containing the "infection" and kidnapping the majority of the survivors just felt like something out of the Sci-fi channel.

All in all it was a fun, good read. With flaws, but definitely enjoyable.    

Hey, MFTB... thanks for reading!

Thanks for all the comments as well. Yep... I admit that there is an over the top "cheese" element to this script -- all in the name of campy fun. I think with movies coming out now like "The Feast" and even back during the days of "Lost Boys"... I'm not alone in this genre. I did like "The Faculty" but I've been more impressed by these new psychological horror films as of late, like "Wolf Creek" and "Hostel", although, I will always enjoy a good monster movie. I kind of envisioned this script as a "Lost Boys" for a new generation... without the vampires but something equally hideous. I'm happy to say "Suicide Boys..." did well in the 2006 Page Screenwriting Awards, and I have a feeling that perhaps a fan of our genre maybe championed the script through to the Semi-Finals round. It's good to see there are fans out there at the judges' tables! Anyway, good luck with all your writing and thanks again for all the suggestions.

- Brett G.

Hey, good to finally know you're around. You had left me thinking I posted my comment for nothing, lol.

I'm very happy to know about your screenplay's success. And I did like the "cheese" element in the script, I just thought that *maybe* it was a bit overdone here. Still, it was an enjoyable read and I hope you keep at screenwriting.

Quoted Text good luck with all your writing

Thanks! As to you.