By a Girl by Malik Ming - Short, Comedy, Satire - After being raped by a girl, Simon Flint seeks revenge. 24 pages - pdf, format 8)

okay,

first about your writing : it's good, clear and very easy to read!

this was really funnystory!

24 pages but it really got me going the whole time!!!!

Great stuff! :-)

and very funny!

but there is one minus point : the end! I think it should be longer than just the "nooooo". You should add something more!  

At least this is what I think!

Great work mate! LOVE IT!!!

Never read 24 four pages so quickly, that certainly was a pretty funny read, especially for the unexpected reactions from friends and family.

But the ending was a bit obvious.

Loved it. Especially the dad pulling a gun on simon. made me chuckle a lot.

Pro's

Good writing
Funny Premise
very different from the rest.


Con's
Not really funny
one continuous running gag that got predictable and stale
No need to really add in the Kill Bill fight, since this isn't ment to be a spoof like film...was it?


Verdict: did not like it. I'm sure if you keep tweaking it, it could get better though.

Ok.  I read the 24 page script and it did keep my interest.  The ending was a little lost, for me.  The one scene where I actually busted out laughing was when Simon's Grandmother chucked his ass out the front door of her home.  I actually vision that happening.  

The concept alone, a girl raping a guy, makes me laugh as well.  What guy wouldn't want a girl to "rape" him?  

As I stated, the ending has me confused.  Why?  Because she was a young girl that supposedly raped him?  Or the fact that she is a dwarf and he isn't man enough to stop her, if he was actually being raped.  My thoughts are lost on the ending.  Maybe clarify this for me.

Otherwise, not bad.  I enjoyed it.