Goose by Robert Spence - Short, Comedy - Tom, a Napoleon Dynamite fan's life is made hell in two pages. 2 pages - pdf, format 8)

Alright, what am I missing here?  I mean, besides everything.  This made no sense to me at all.

So is this a giant goose, or is Tom a very, very small midget?

You can't just defy the laws of physics without giving any indication as to how such a thing might actually be filmed.

Back to the drawing board, I'm afraid.

Is it a dream? Is it surrealistic? Are you Luis Bunuel or Jean Cocteau fan? Are you stoned?
As Mike and Bert I didn't get it. Sorry

Michel

Confused? I thought this script was really straight-forward.

You start off with an interesting character, one you could build upon, layering him with pathology regarding Napoleon Dynamite and how pathetic he really is and all that jazz. He's a nerd, nerds are in right now.

But of course it's all thrown away when he falls out the back of the bus and is eaten by a goose. The script seems to say, anybody out there forget who you are, forget about your hopes and your dreams because, in the end, we're all going to be eaten by geese. I hated this script. No offense, but I truly hated it.

Cheers, Chism.

It's just a little a copycat of napoleon dynamite in my opinion..

and didn't get the part with the goose..

It's like he got to the end and had no idea where to go or how to finish it so just threw in some pointless nonsense. Incredibly lazy.

Quoted from Vaughn It's like he got to the end and had no idea where to go or how to finish it so just threw in some pointless nonsense. Incredibly lazy.

If it were me, I would have had him fall off the back of the bus, catching his foot on a rope or something, thus allowing him to be dragged along the road like that poor action figure at the beginning of ND.

My two cents.

I got the distinct impression that this script was uploaded the moment the first draft was cranked out.  There's no focus or story/character developement to it.  Just a couple of images.


Phil

I'm new to the site, but not new to the art of screenwriting.

Sorry, this had a lot of errors. For once, I'd like to see someone not use an actual song in the script itself. It isn't a huge deal, but I suggest just writing what genre the music is.

What is up with your ending?

There isn't one, really. The emergency doors open, he falls back, gets eaten by a goose. I don't think you really were thinking about quality, you were thinking more along the lines of posting a script.

Take your time. There isn't a deadline for your script.

this wasn't ment to make sense, it was ment to b funny.

Well, atleast you accomplished it not making sense...

Comedy is probably the hardest genre to write.  Aside from the fact that you actually have to make people laugh with your writing, you still have to have a story that holds your jokes together.  You had a couple of vague scenes that had your main character in it, and an ending that jusy made people shake their heads.


Phil

lmao, have u never just sat down and wrote a lot of crap? this is not ment to be serious, or have a story to it. That is the whole point.

I've written crap before.  I just don't post it.

If you plan on posting more work (serious work) in the future, you'll have trouble getting it read, because of this.


Phil

I'm with Dogglebe on this completely.

If this was meant to be crap, then why would you post such a thing? Just my two cents, as some people here call it. :)

wots wiv the seriousness. i submitted it for a joke, i am planning to extend this wivout the goose thing. I have just submitted the first part of another script set in 1950s Scotland. Tell me what you think.

I'll pass.  Thanks.


Phil

This is a prime example of exactly the kind of script we need people to stop posting.

It’s as though you cranked out a whopping one page of mundane daily grind before inspiration became a struggle. From there, it appears that you strained hopelessly to think of a direction to go with your story for all of about two minutes before you glanced at a television commercial and got an idea for a quick ending (mercy killing might be a more accurate description).

Quoted from RobertSpence wots wiv the seriousness. i submitted it for a joke, i am planning to extend this wivout the goose thing. I have just submitted the first part of another script set in 1950s Scotland. Tell me what you think.

Your joke took time to upload along with the works of other writers who actually care about the craft of writing. If even one of those serious writers ever has to wait because of a joke such as yours, that would be a shame.

Some of the writers around here are serious about being writers. And of the ones who write as a hobby with no intentions of pursuing it as a career, most at least respect the craft and appreciate the seriousness of the business.

A reader also deserves respect. There are too many scripts to read that can be both enjoyed as literary material as well as used to enhance one’s own writing skills. Works such as yours only waste people’s time. That’s “wots wiv” the seriousness.

I too will pass on your work from now on. Your writing is what’s called lazy writing.