How I Shot J.R. - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, October 11th, 2006, 8:45pm

How I Shot J.R. by Jonathan Morales (shotgun) - Short, Comedy - Charlie is forced to go to camp. As soon as he gets there he does what he wants and almost right away gets in trouble with the Head Camp Counselors. After surviving a day of his punishments they mistakenly gave Charlie a Rifle and he...well it's in the title. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: darthbrion, October 12th, 2006, 12:07am; Reply: 1

How I shot J.R.

Indeed......

* SPOILERS *

* I found a couple of typos that really distracted me at times from the story.  Out of curiosity...Did he mean to call his Grandma a "Gook" lol Or was that a typo of some sort.
* Charlie seemed pretty mature when he spoke.  But then again it is a comedy so meh.
* I'm not 100% sure (because I'm retarded) but isn't it (Voice Over) instead of "Narration"  I dunno.
* One time...At band camp...I shot my consoler with a gun and went to juvi.
* Again...I know it's a comedy, but smoking pot with grandma?  Oh well.   :P

Overall it was a decent short with a good laugh here and there.

Posted by: Alex J. Cooper, October 12th, 2006, 12:34am; Reply: 2

Charlie sounds like a bit of a dickhead aye?

What did you mean my the "gook" reference. I have never been to an american camp but in films there usually perceived as happy places, this seems more like mitary school.

The dialogue was gold with all the smart ass and funny replies from charlie. Funny script and good formatting.

Posted by: Shogun, October 12th, 2006, 3:31pm; Reply: 3

the gook refence was a typo...i forgot what i was trying to say but i think i meant that grandma lost it since grandpa died.

Glad you liked the dialogue

Voice Over, Narration, you still no wat i meant and i'm not sure what to use ethier

Ape funny thing i never been to camp also. I been to a park day camp once when i was six but never sleepaway camp.

Charlie is a dickhead...thats why he's funny.

Sry for the typpos i dont have some one to reread a script but me and i cant find mistakes like that... plus i wrote it on a software with no spellcheck...

And in my opionion a grandma is a cooler mother...my grandma is always giving shit i would never recieve from my parentss...For ex. My grandma let me drive at 12.

Glad you like it.

The Writer Jonathan Morales

THE SHOGUN