Milkman's Will by A Member - Short, Horror - Do you believe that milk gives the eternal life? Miguel’s father did! 3 pages     A October '06 One Week Challenge entry - pdf, format 8)

This one I liked a lot. It was really cool. Having the whole thing take place in one room, with one person I appreciated very much. It was more like a ghost story type thing, and incorporated the excercise itself in it was cool too. Very unique take on it. Good stuff.

Funny!  This one has a "shocker" on the second page that kind of gives away the author -- or does it?  I wonder....would someone else do that?

At any rate, good entry.  I have never heard the word "milkier" used in that context, and am not sure that is correct.

But, yeah -- this one is well worth the time it takes to read it, if only for the good laugh it delivers.  Nice job.

Ha!

I had a guess on the first few pieces of dialogue who this was written by and by the end I found out I was right... I think. Pretty good though. I liked it. It was all dialogue really but I liked it for sure. One thing is that it was different... very different...

Well done to you.

Jamie :)

Jeez I wonder who wrote this one  ::)

This was pretty funny, not really horror, but it used the theme well enough I suppose.

Pretty funny stuff.

This was good and funny, but after already reading a half dozen script im starting to think maybe theres no horror.

HEY!

Milk? yes.  Horror?  Not so much.  Hilarity? Yup!

If this is your horror though, I can't wait to see your comedy, I'd probably laugh myself to death, but thats okay, because I drink lots of milk.....

-Tyler

Ah, yes, another Halloween tale, and in only two pages too.  :)

Horror could have been beefed up a few degrees, but it was a good story.

Good job whoever you are.

Cindy

You sticked to the theme quite well, Helio; something that didn't happen in quite a lot of entries I read so far. As for the horror... it isn't there, but there is no point in busting you about this, since I'm pretty sure you didn't even try and went straight to comedy.

The only thing I could pick you on (and yes, I'm proud to be the first bastard to pick you on something in this thread) is that your story is told more in dialogue than visuals. I think this could work better if expanded a little and if we actually see this guy's father drinking milk like crazy. Just an opinion, hope it helps my friend.

Haha this script really made me scratch my head. My first question was when I first opened this was: Why is there so much dialogue for only 3 pages!?

Then, when I started reading...Well I got even more confused! But, I did immediately know who wrote this when it came to one point. I know deep down inside that it was...!



Good job. Weird, like I always say whenever I read this someone's work, but all in all, 'twas good.

Sean

Wow that was different lol

Good short, and I do mean "short"  ;)

I think i could hazard a guess as to who wrote this.. I liked it, and was a unique idea. I like how milk played a big part which is something a lot of people have not done in this challenge, but we're all here to have fun.

Lol i liked the lines "Milk at the breakfast..." The way it was said.
                                                        Good Job man, Robert

SPOILERS:

You start out here saying the room is in complete darkness, but yet somehow we can still se Miguel and there is a light on too.

Helio J. Cordeiro died one year before Miguel�s birth. How can he be Miguel�s father then?

When the Father comes alive again, does he attack Miguel because he�s mad he didn�t do this until 54 years later or is he mad because he did bring him back to life.

There are numerous spelling errors, but you get away with, whoever you are ;-)

Hmmm. I wonder who could possibly have written this? A madman, to say the least.

This is, of course, an oddity of strangeness, an epitome of bizarreness, a dialogue in dementia that could only be derived from the deranged ravings of a lunatic…..or a Helio script.

Questions/Concerns:

If it’s complete darkness, how can we see a man on a couch?

What is a death’s birthday? It’s either the date of someone’s birth or death unless he was reincarnated or something on the same day.

“When I was young, my dear father died one year before my birth?”

How can a father die one year before his child’s birth? A mother is only pregnant nine months. The father would have had to impregnate the mother three months after his death. Also, Miguel says when he was young, his father died one year before his birth. If it’s before his birth, how can he be young? I suppose technically you could say an unborn child is young but this is before he was even conceived.

This is kind of like the “One Bright Day in the Middle of the Night” story.

As with Helio scripts, this is a strange realm where ordinary rules of logic do not apply. So welcome back Helio. I didn’t even know you had died but I’m glad to have you back.

Brea

Yes, the internal logic of this piece is so twisted that nothing really makes sense.  I do like the idea of milk bringing someone eternal life, but I don't understand why the father attacks the son.  With more work and fleshing out the bare bones of this story, it could be quite thought provoking.  As it stands, it makes for some good chuckles but I'm not sure if they are supposed to be intentional :-)

He must have been VERY young (a fetus maybe) when his father died. That's as logical as I can get to this.

Reading this script, I was expecting a punchline at the end.  I'm kind of disappointed there wasn't.

The idea of using milk to bring someone back to life is pretty interesting.  And the way it was told seemd pretty good.  This is another script that, I think, would work better if it was longer.


Phil

Quoted from Don The writers are revealed: Milkman's Will by Helio J Cordeiro

Hey Helio, yours is the only one I guessed the author correctly on. I hope you take it as a compliment that so many people instantly recognize your work.

Brea

Okay, dudes, thanks a lot for taken your precious time readiding my insanities. I'll send the bill! :)

OMG, Helio... You've gone from freakishly morbid to humorously morbid. The idea of a man who believed he could get eternal life from milk is ok. Even the invocation from the will is ok, if not a bit silly. But the way it all plays out is...well...silly.

I really don't know what to say. We could have some story of his life, maybe a flashback of dad getting the info about the eternal life. It needed more to actually give it some legs to stand on.

It was funny as it is. I hope that was the intent.

"Hey Helio, yours is the only one I guessed the author correctly on. I hope you take it as a compliment that so many people instantly recognize your work.

Brea"

Hey Brea I accepet any comment (good or bad) always as a compliment, dear! Haha!

GW, nobody can take my stories seriously, I know that. I stay so happy and I'll gain my day if they take their time readding them and laugh a little.