Darwin's Witness by Ryan Warren (remifa) - Short - In the conceivable future a cult of radical evolutionists go door to door attempting to convert people to their belief system. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ryan

Okay where do I begin.

First the story content. It was just okay. Nothing earth shattering. Seemed you were preaching rather than entertaining. Your story has great potential for a humor or even horror. It would have been more interesting.

On a positive note the formating was almost right. In the opening you refer to the two missionaries as MAN and WOMAN then you give them names in the dialogue. I was bit confused and had to back track to find out who these people were. In your descriptions always give your characters names. It make them much more personal.

To me your characers were flat. By that I mean they were not three deminsional. They had no flaw or qwirk about them. Simply giving them a flaw would have improved your story dramatically. For example; one of the missionaries may have had a wandering eye. Now there is a story. A missionary who seems to be unfocused on his message. Makes for an event of disention and conflict.

Remember a good story needs a hero and a bad guy. Even in short stories I think you need these two dynamics to keep your readers attention. I look forward to your next short.

Spencer