Gunslinger - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, November 21st, 2006, 4:44pm

Gunslinger by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - The old west was a place that no one could make a mistake but could see it happening! 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: The boy who could fly, November 21st, 2006, 8:29pm; Reply: 1

Oh my Helio, I swear dude, you write some crazy stuff, by page 2 I was laughing so hard at your desriptions I had to stop to compose myself. :D

That first couple of pages really don't need to be there, but I have to say that was my favorite part so I am glad they are.

This was actually a pretty cool script, I like westerns, not a lot of them out here so this was nice.

I didn't see the identity of the blindman coming, which I should have, but I didn't so good for you.

anyways this was a fun read :)

Posted by: Helio, November 22nd, 2006, 8:10pm; Reply: 2

Hey TBWC! Thanks dude for you reading! I loved it, dude!

"That first couple of pages really don't need to be there, but I have to say that was my favorite part so I am glad they are."

Could you imagine if I took out the first couple of pages off? Your favorite parts weren't there anymore! Haha!

Anyway thank you so much, man!

Posted by: spencerforhire, November 26th, 2006, 11:19am; Reply: 3

Helio

As always you impress me with your story telling abilities. This one kept me drawn in to what was about to happen.

I agree with the poster above that the first couple of pages, although highly funny, were not necessary for this story.

Also, at about page 6 or 7 I knew this was the blind man was Flicker. I saw something hostile coming before it happened. Surprise us more. As well, this story ended to soon. Big Ed should have come arond to help the dudes at the table because he was already pissed at the blind man. This could have concluded you story in a wild shoot out at the bar between all saloon goer. A complete blood bath. In the vein of Scarface.

Again, you are the bomb Helio.

Spencer

Posted by: alffy, November 28th, 2006, 3:28pm; Reply: 4

Hey Helio

There doesn't seem to be much point for the opening of this script...unless it was longer and it had relevence later on. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was amusing but it seem a bit out of place.

I loved the saloon scene, it was very funny. Well done mate I really enjoyed this short.

Later.

Posted by: Helio, December 3rd, 2006, 4:47am; Reply: 5

Hi Alffy, I'm sorry delay to answer you. Thanks for your reading.

Maybe the begining was so relevant but is a kind of epilogue. I think any saloon moments are great for me. Is the best part of any western movie!

anyways thanks again