Underdogs, The: One Fight, One Crown by Jonathan Morales (shogun) - Short, Comedy - Two nobodies battle it out to see who becomes the Top UNDERDOG. Who will win? and Will any one care? 17 pages - pdf, format 8)

Bizarre script, Jonathan. The format was fine, but there were a lot of spelling mistakes; more than I could be bothered pointing out.

You also didn't describe what the trainers looked liked.

Some of Justin's comments, about not wanting to be responsible, where mildly amusing.

I also found it mildly amusing when the bookies were leaving with the cash and Justin yelled out "Don't you want to see who wins?" to which they replied "We don't care".

Unfortunately, by that stage, either did I. Although, I guess that was the point, so it wasn't lost on me.

It has potential but needs work. A lot of work.

Thanks for the reply...

One of my problems is that i cant catch my own mistakes... When i reread i catch some mistakes but i miss some.

I felt force by my friends to write this...so when i have Jon, Ray, and Juan saying We don't care...that's me saying that.

I'll this ill give it a quick rewrite but i dont think i'll change much

-Jonathan Morales

It wasn't bad, but it didn't wow me either - but then again fight stories aren't really my cup of tea.

Pg 2 – “no I don’t know why don’t you tell me about it” doesn’t flow well as dialogue.
Pg 4 – He is jump roping.
Pg 5 – He is standing.
Pg 8 – you got change?
Pg 9 – Where’s the speed?

Quoted from Shogun I'll this ill give it a quick rewrite but i dont think i'll change much

You should. If you get rid of the spelling mistakes and flesh out the character descriptions, it'll be much better. Then you can resubmit that draft, get more feedback and before you know it you'll have a fairly decent script. Stick at it; it's good to follow the process through to the end.

Thanks guys i do my best to shape this up...And resubmit it as soon as it's ready.