Cold Snap by Brett Gilwee - Horror - Two U.S. Marines seek desertion in the unforgivable Canadian wild, but their plans for a new life are shattered when they encounter an abominable evil and those that worship its voracious blood lust. 98 pages - html, format 8)

It didn't take any time at all to see that this script is a novel that has been chopped up to look like a screenplay.  This makes it very hard to read.

Learn how to format scripts, Brett.  Reading some of the scripts here is a good start.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe It didn't take any time at all to see that this script is a novel that has been chopped up to look like a screenplay.  This makes it very hard to read. Learn how to format scripts, Brett.  Reading some of the scripts here is a good start. Phil

The first two paragraphs are confusing as there isn't anything to indicate whether they're visual, spoken, or written  -- perhaps they're "for the reader only" comments. Whatever the case, this needs to be clairified.

That which follows, though, is engaging -- well-written. That said, I'm tempted to read further, but won't because I do not know if the author intends to be a participant on these boards, or has simply posted a script, never to be heard from again.

Fact is, after having reviewed a number of scripts written by "members" that do not, themselves, review scripts, I'm not willing to invest the time necessary to read and respond to a script written by an unknown.

That said, if I see that you're taking the time to review other features -- not shorts -- I'll, without question, come back to this one.

BTW, Although I do not always agree with Phill, I have to say, having given this piece a cursory look, there is too little "white space" on each page. In other words, this piece is, as Dogg says, too novelistic.  

Seth

Hmmm... Are you all reading a wrong file?

To Phil: I have been writing screenplays for years, this script was written with Final Draft and what you see is the .html version of a Final Draft screenplay. I save the file this way so anyone can read it through use of a standard internet browser. I don't think you got very far Phil, because the first two paragraphs are merely a quote, as you would see on a title card screen before the film begins, and the following five pages are carried by action, so no, you are not going to get much dialogue in the first six pages. If you read on, however, you would have been introduced to the story's main characters.

To Seth: thanks for taking a look. I have read over a few unproduced screenplays in the "horror" section, but no, unfortunately I have not found the time to write any in depth analysis or coverage which I think a spec writer deserves. Perhaps sometime in the future. As for too little "white space" on the page, I think you will have to read on and decide. I do admit, though, that this is an action heavy horror piece. Thanks for the comments!

Brett Gilwee

Quoted from brettgilwee Perhaps sometime in the future. Brett Gilwee

Having read the above, there are many things I'd like to say in response. Given the civil, (perhaps too civil), nature of these boards, I've little choice but to bite my tongue, lest my comments be deleted.

In any case, suffice it to say, I hope others take note of your comments and read your script when you read theres', "pahaps sometime in the future."

Seth  

Quoted from brettgilwee Hmmm... Are you all reading a wrong file? To Phil: I have been writing screenplays for years, this script was written with Final Draft and what you see is the .html version of a Final Draft screenplay. I save the file this way so anyone can read it through use of a standard internet browser. I don't think you got very far Phil, because the first two paragraphs are merely a quote, as you would see on a title card screen before the film begins, and the following five pages are carried by action, so no, you are not going to get much dialogue in the first six pages. If you read on, however, you would have been introduced to the story's main characters.

All that Finald Draft does is it automatically sets the margins for easier writing.  Formatting also consists of what you write in the action portion of your scripts.  Examples of formatting problems:

On page one, you open with:

We open on an EXTREME CLOSE UP of the YOUNG GIRL'S face

We don't do anything.  We are not there.  Never use we or we see in a spec script.

Never use camera angles like EXTREME CLOSE UP.  Camera angels are for the director to decide, not a writer.

You open up with two paragraphs of text on the screen?  That's a bozo no-no, not that we knew that it was text.


Phil