The Long Run by Lawrence Gilliam - Action, Adventure - Ex stunt driver, Bobby Rodgers commits a crime and does the time, apon his release he answers an ad to take a classic corvette across country. Unknowingly the car has a secret inside, aided by martial artist Blade will the two survive each other and the trip when everybody else has eyes for the car. 63 pages - doc, format 8)

If anyone wants me to read or share an action film i will review it while you review mines thank you Lawrence Gilliam for "The Long Run."

Lawrence, I read through your whole script.  I'm going to go through technical suggestions first.  Go through first and punctuate everything.  Then go back through and check all of your spellings.  Then comb through it for grammar in the action lines.  You can use a Holt Handbook, or a book like that, as a reference.  Then invest in some reliable guide on screenplay format (it's cheaper than getting the formatting software and a good place to start).  Use that to check your margins, scene breaks, and other more specialized formatting issues.  Then once you have everything properly punctuated, spelled, and formatted, you'll see how many pages you have (might be more than you think).  Then, as a last technical pass, go through and take out anything in the non-dialog sections that are not something seen on the screen or heard through the speakers.  Once you've posted that cleaned-up draft, I'm sure you will get some good feedback on the substance of the story.  The technical is too distracting and obvious at this stage to want to comment further.  I can give you some reactions to the story, but it would be better for you to focus on getting it cleaned up first.

Hey bud, if you want my advice, don't use word to type up your scripts, it only makes it harder.  If you don't wanna worry about margins or be able to send your files as pdf format, you should download celtx, it's free, and it's a really great tool that can help you out here.  

Thanks for the feedback i will go back and check the script but if you are talking about the character Blade he speaks in broken English thanks again for the read Gwidion i really appreciate it.

Big k thanks for the advice i'll look into celtix.

The Long Run by Lawrence Gilliam - Action, Adventure - Ex Hollywood/ Pro race driver Bobby Rodgers falls to hard times commits a crime and does the time.  Apon his release ten years later he answers an ad to drive a classic corvette with a secret inside across the U.S. aided by a martial arts expert name Blade will the two survive the trip.  61 pages - doc, format 8)

Hi Lawrence. Looks like you’re new to the game, so I’m going to try and be as helpful as possible.

You have a lot of formatting issues with your script. As I read:

When you first introduce you character, use CAPS, followed by a brief description.

BOBBY RODGER (30’s) chiseled features sits in a beat up convertible.

No need to be so specific about the car make and year, unless it’s absolutely crucial to the film.

At this point in time we have absolutely no way of knowing he is an ex Hollywood stunt driver. You need to give us a VISUAL clue, or this will be a detail that is revealed later on.

No need to make a comparison to Burt Reynolds either.

We have absolutely no way of knowing what a character is thinking. If you want to SHOW us, you can use a flashback, which need to be formatted as a separate scene. You can use:

FLASHBACK TO:

SCENE HEADING

BACK TO PRESENT

Some of your descriptions are redundant and don’t SHOW us what’s happening, instead you are TELLING us in a passive fashion. EG: ‘The city this time in the morning is bustling with activity.’

Have a read of some scripts here, ask questions, get involved and keep at it

Well, I'm sure some will take offense to this, but I can tell exactly what this is going to read like, just based on the logline, which is FILLED with grammatical errors, spelling errors, and all around poor phrasing.

BUT...

Reading Eoin's feedback, I feel like I almost have to give it a look, for the Burt Reynolds reference alone.  My friends and I have always had a huge shitload of jokes pertaining to good old Burt.

Listen, as I always say, and seriously mean...if you want to learn, you've come to the right place.  There is so much useful information floating around and so many people that want to help.  All you need to do is ask...and read others scripts, and offer your thoughts.  After that, you'll find peeps will read your scripts as well and offer all the help they can.

So get in and start reading.  Enjoy the site and best to you!

Hey, this had some fun moments in but got a bit difficult to plow through because of the bad formatting and sluglines.
The dialogue was good and I found myself liking Bobby.
The car talk was spot on aswell (are you a petrol head?)
Take heed of what has been said above and keep writing, don't take offence at bad criticism, it comes with the territory and is meant to help.
Also, "Let me fuck this cat" is a great. great line.
Daz