A Platonic Conversation About Chairs by Isaac Kiener (readsharshly) - Short, Comedy - Two students discuss the age old question, "What is a chair?" 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

This was amusing. I liked it, Something tells me this may have come out of real life though. :)

Minor technical stuff and spoilers.......................................................................

You should probably break up your lengthier description. They shouldn't be more than four lines long.

Describe the gentlemen's ages and/or describe what they look like more, all we know is they're in college.

put your description into action sentences. (Isaac lies on the couch instead of is lying on the couch, and he reads, rather than is reading, Sauce walks instead of is waling, etc.) It's quicker and moves faster and shortens things up.

And you only need to capitolized the character's names when you first introduce them.

And a spelling mistake pg 6 YEAR when it should be EAR.

Sauce I think should bring the weed since it was his suggestion to get high, it only seems the polite thing to do would be for HIM to supply it.

But other than that, it's a pretty cool little short. Gotta love stoner talk. Maybe they should smoke up a little bit before they start the conversation though.

Thank you sryknows. Very good points. Yes it was very autobiographical, I had this conversation about 450 times with different people before I wrote it. I only added the weed after my professor read it and said he didn't understand why Sauce would show up at this dorm room. Thanks again for your review.

After having read the title and log line, I, having a kind of stoner's interest in philosophy, had little choice but to read this.

It was interesting. It could, though, I think, be more interesting. What you have is a very straight forward discussion. One that doesn't, as these type of conversations usually do, meander into other issues - the nature of light, of quantum mechanics, anything. As it is, the "shattered bottle" scene reads like a rehash of the chair scene.

In any case, I think it'd be more interesting if Sauce was more fluent in philosophy, if he could present more of a challenge to Issaac. Of course there are a million different ways you could expand this script, and I hope you do. Right now, you have a few scenes, not a story. That said, I hope you rework this. I love this kind of stuff.

Quoted from Steve-Dave Sauce I think should bring the weed since it was his suggestion to get high, it only seems the polite thing to do would be for HIM to supply it.

I didn't know it, but, yes, it seems sryknows is our resident expert on stoner etiquette.

God Bless him!

Seth

Thanks, Seth. I did rewrite the first scene and put it in a longer script I wrote. I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs.

Quoted from Ike Thanks, Seth. I did rewrite the first scene and put it in a longer script I wrote. I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs.

Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're...

I'm sure you know the rest, or at least Sryknows does! (I hope!)

Seth

I thought it had it's amusing moments - but it came off more as a philosophy lecture rather than a stoned conversation.

pg 1
Write actively. Not Sauce is standing. Sauce stands.
pg 7
year should be ear.

Quoted from Seth I didn't know it, but, yes, it seems sryknows is our resident expert on stoner etiquette.

Hey! I...I, uhhh....hmmm....yeah, I don't have a comeback.  ;)

It just seemed to me like he's imposing upon Isaac's stash. Unless he just  IS,  in fact, a scavenger smoker.

>I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs.

The fact that you've written a script is, by law, enough of a copyright. A symbol or registering work via the WGA doesn't hold much weight. But do look into this.

Quoted from patrickjasonrodriguez The fact that you've written a script is, by law, enough of a copyright. A symbol or registering work via the WGA doesn't hold much weight. But do look into this.

The fact that you wrote a script, in itself, doesn't carry any weight when it comes to copyright.  If you have to go to court over it, having the words 'copyright 2006 by' means nothing.  I could easily take your script and put 'copyright 2001 by Phil.'

WGA holds a copy of your script for five years.  It's dated by when they receive which is proof that you had a copy of it at the time.  It's not proof that you wrote it.

I prefer going straight to the copyright office.  It costs a little more but it last until seventy-five years after your death.  Much like what I said about WGA, it's not proof that you actually wrote it, but proof that you had it at a certain point.


Phil

Thank you for the information, guys. My friends mom does copyrights, so I'm asking her for some pro bono work. Thanks again for your help.

Entertaining short. I did kind of expect more, but was still happy with what you wrote. The title is also very noticible. It's all in the title.

I loved this short. I've had many conversations like this with my mates. It was funny and posed a excellent point aswell.

Some of the best conversations are stoner conversations.

Excellent read.

Owen.

This was a cool read. Thought it had its funny moments. It started to dive a little too deep into the bottle of beer and I began to loose concentration (I lose it quite easily sometimes) but the dialogue was pretty good between the two characters I couldn't stop.

Ending was pretty good and I can see this happening a lot in real life so good job. :D

I could picture this scene thrown into a National Lampoon movie, just for comic relief. Not that National Lampoon movies are very deep, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I quite enjoyed it.

I won't bother you with tecknical details.

I had one initial reaction after i read this one. "Fy faen så bra!" translated: "fuck, how good!"

This was comedy on Kevin Smith level! Honestly! This is the kind of writin I really really enjoy!

I'm sitting her in reccess reading this and Line walked in. So I ask her the same thing cos I liked it so much! And she replied pretty much identically to what you wrote! She walked out laughing and puzzled when i got to "you're not leaving any room for the designers intent."

very good man! fucking great! keep writing! I think I wanna try this out on my pal Frank too. He's sitting right over there ;)

Frank caved when I got to the "picking up the label" part.

LOL I loved this story! Keep writing 100%!  :)

Thank you all for your posts. They were all helpful, and I slready made the changes some of you suggested. Is there a way to post a new version of an old sript?

-RH

Yes there is.

Go to the same place where you submit a script and fill in al the same things but in addition to that you write in the comments and questions box that it's a re-submission of a script already on the site.