Booze, Broads & Bullets: Just Another Saturday Night by Daniel Toemta - Short - Just another saturday night in Sin City. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Booze, Broads & Bullets: Fat Man and Little Boy by Daniel Toemta - Short - Burt Shlubb and Douglas Klump, aka "Fat man and Little Boy," two any-dirty-job-there-is thugs with delusions of eloquence. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

Booze, Broads & Bullets: And Behind Door Number Three... by Daniel Toemta - Short - The girls of old town. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

Thanks for posting this, more shorts are coming up!

Just Another Saturday Night is a tad wrongly formatted and a few errors here and there. I made the mistake of posting the wrong draft. The update is coming up!

I read the first of these scripts.  

Having not read the graphic novels, it is almost impossible to comment on the content of these scripts.  I can't tell what you did to adapt them. Are they pretty much verbatim from the book?

The first was fairly well written but there were problems with the pacing. Rather than having low points there were points that tended to drag along (when he first encounters the police for example). Perhaps this was because of the descriptions which were a bit on the dry side.  But perhaps it is because you tried to follow the novel too closely and it did not transfer to the screen as well as you expected.

The other issue I had with this script was the amount of voice-overs.  I would much rather he talk to himself than to have to listen to narrator drone. I realise that is a style, and it is probably very close to the novel. But I would say out of the two issues I have brought up that the voice-overs were the most critical to fix.  

  

I really can't comment on these, mainly for the fact that you probably stole from the book.

I commend you on wanting to write, but instead of stealing stuff from Frank Miller (stuff that is probably going to be on the big screen anyway) why not write some original scripts.

Just a thought.

I really don't get what's the point in adapting graphic novels, writing sequels to existing films, or writing remakes (*cough*Prince of Darkness*cough*).

Unless it's a loose, standalone adaptation from your own head, stuff like this shouldn't be written on here, IMO. Because it's honestly more of a time-waster than anything.

But what's done is done. That being said, I think you should unify all these shorts into one screenplay...just keep a sort of fluidity in-between the stories


--Julio  

  

Now there's an idea which actually isn't all that stupid!!!

Thanks, I'll give it some thought. :)

Really good for a short. Kind of like a fan fiction, but good. Hope there's more to come.

I love how this tied into the movie. Marv is such a cool character. good work.
9 out of 10