Untitled by Jose Roman (rljose) - Action, Comedy, Fantasy - This is the story of Ryan, a man who is given a second chance to relive the most traumatic experiences of his past and change what went wrong. Through an experimental form of hypnosis, he will correct his past mistakes in order to become a flawless man without fears or insecurities. But during the process he encounters a woman from his past whose identity has been erased from his memory. As he tries to uncover her mystery he runs the risk of becoming trapped in his mind forever. 97 pages - doc, format 8)

Eternal Sunshine much?

this is good, it kept me interested the whole way through, good job Roman

also theres a typo on page 15

>>> Ryan turs around, startled.

why is there no title for this ?

I think this story was very innovative, and it was very easy to get really into.  But there are a couple of issues I'd like to address.

The negatives:

First one, you really should try and come up with a title bud.  A title is what sums up your entire story, if it's untitled, then people may not be thrown into reading it, not matter how well written it is.

There are also a few typos you may want to fix, and so far, that's all I can come up with.

The positives:

Very articulate.  Many events were rather unexpected, the very beginning when Ryan's shouting and going through birth, I was in awe, and found it unexpected.  Then seeing the doctor who delivered him becoming his psychologist, within his own mind, brilliant bud, simply brilliant.

Seeing how badass Ryan was near the end as he beat Michael senseless, it really left me feeling good seeing how he dealt with his final traumatic experience.

The dialect is perfect throught the entire story.  

Ryan is a really interesting character.  Seeing him deal with all of these experiences, going through memory after memory after memory was a really neat idea and I applaud you for it.

Apart from title being the only real issue, because there are plenty of awesome titles you can come up with seeing how professionally done the story was.  I really loved your story, and think you have real talent.

Big K is an idiot.  The title isn't a big issue.  "Untitled" is an interesting name for a movie.  I mean, this movie is about a guy trying to change his past he doesn't know whats going on.  I swear, people like Big K are just looking for problems cause they can't write a good script themselves.

This script is very well written.  A+

However, I would never make this.  It's an obvious deviation of Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.  There has to be a slight change in this.  Maybe make this into a movie about action, where he has to find his killer or something like that.  But this movie is a love story.  C'mon now.

Change it up a bit.    We are all avid movie goers and copies can be spotted.

Quoted from Joe Allen Barniak Big K is an idiot.  The title isn't a big issue.  "Untitled" is an interesting name for a movie.  I mean, this movie is about a guy trying to change his past he doesn't know whats going on.  I swear, people like Big K are just looking for problems cause they can't write a good script themselves.

Joe,

Let's be realistic here.  You know as well as I do that Untitled isn't the actual title.  Let's try not to open our posts with "So and so is an idiot", okay?  That's just looking to start trouble, and since I have a nice purple badge attached to my name, it's my job to avoid such things.  Just take it easy.


Commenting on the script?...great.  Calling someone an idiot?  Not so much.

Carry on.