English B by Chad Huggins - Short - A young black writer uses the race card to achieve fame on a television talk show, only to be conquered by his obsession with the color of one's skin. This short film is based on Langston Hughes poem "Theme For English B". 11 pages - rtf, format 8)

I love Langston Hughes, what a great inspiration!  i thought the dialogue was strong and believable. I felt for the characters too.   Maybe you need a bit of humor somewhere to lighten it up just for a moment.  For example even Dead man Walking had small doses of funny moments which I think the audience craves.  I also feel it makes the drama more impactful, a bit of a contrast.  Just a small suggestion.  i did feel the emotion of the script and the passion you must have for the subject manner.    
Best,
Ron

I'm sorry, but I did not really enjoy this script.  It seemed jumbled and sort of lacking.  It seems to me that your tagline isn't for the right story becuase I did not really see J.C.'s obsession with race.  In fact, he almost seemed above racism in the script compared to the separatists and suprematists.

Also, I think the Hughes poem was a little out of place in this.  It didn't seem to have any sort of impact on the story.

Your main character seemed to change back and forth between being racist and non-racist (I don't know a better word for it).  He talks about how races won't matter, then insults the white suprematist and becomes involved in the insueing brawl.  At the end, I felt no real connection with him or anyone else.

Technical-wise, this is a shooting script and not a spec script.  A spec script doesn't have camera, shot, and transition descriptions.  Also, when you introduce a character for the first time, their name should be in all capital letters and you should give them an age.  Also, I would suggest doing a read through of your script for errors such as on of your beginning voice overs is written as action do to an extra space.

As a side note, I don't quite understand how this was inspired by "Theme for English B".  I haven't read the poem for about a year when I did a research paper on Hughes, so I may be a bit rusty, but the poem doesn't seem to really have much connection with your story with the exception of it being quoted and there being race involved.

Overall, I would suggest doing a large rehaul to this script.  Try to map out your main character a little more to keep a constant personality and I would also suggest rehashing your plot to relate more to the main character and the Langston Hughes poem.

-Pat

I thought this script was brilliant!  I have to completely disagree with BrandNew - it is very clear that JC's obsession with race is to use it as a tool to get ahead.  I thought this was incredibly poignant, and was conveyed very clearly. The idea of the main character changing back and forth between being racist & non-racist was wonderful - fully displayed his conflicted ideals.  Race didn't really matter to him, it's just a tool.  It's not until the end that he realizes that it's more than just a tool; to some people it's life and death.

The Langston Hughes poem was an excellent addition.  Reciting the words of the poem adds so many different layers.  The main character is trying to express who he really is, but he just can't figure that out because he's been so wrapped up in using the concept of race as a tool, instead of seeing how it's a part of him.  I definitely see how it was inspired by "Theme for English B".

I also did not realize that only spec scripts should be posted here.  I actually enjoy reading shooting scripts as well.  Since many films nowadays are self written, produced, and directed, it's great to be able to see the filmmakers full vision occasionally.

I would enjoy seeing this film produced - it conveys an excellent message while
staying visually compelling.    

I just have to completely disagree with BrandNew that this script needs overhauling.  The main character should stay the same - consistency would ruin the story.  The plot relates well to the Langston Hughes poem.