The Stalker by Dale Murray (cirrus) - Short, Horror - A Short Horror about a young woman being stalked in her own home. Just a short scene I was writing which I may develop into a feature length. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey, this is just a small short I wrote in my spare time, I was actually using it to test Final Draft, if you read you can see because I havn't filled in the title page and the words "FINAL DRAFT DEMO" appear on every other line in the background. Oh well!

Ok...a question.

Is the last scene supposed to be a flashback?  That's what I got out of it, and I'd imagine that's the whole explanation of the motive, but I didn't see it in the slugline.  If it's supposed to be, I'd add it in to avoid confusion.

I'd say what you did was ok.  Nothing innovative or new here, but for an experiment with Final Draft it'll do.

Do you actually have Final Draft, or just a demo to mess around with?  If you're just testing it out, I'd recommend d-loading CELTX.  It's free, and the scripts come out looking pretty much the same as this one, without the watermarks.

Quoted from Shelton Ok...a question. Is the last scene supposed to be a flashback?  That's what I got out of it, and I'd imagine that's the whole explanation of the motive, but I didn't see it in the slugline.  If it's supposed to be, I'd add it in to avoid confusion.

Yeah it was meant to be a flashback to just before the event, for an experiment I felt it had no story at all so I'm even considering using it for an opening to a film I'm working on..

Quoted from Shelton I'd say what you did was ok.  Nothing innovative or new here, but for an experiment with Final Draft it'll do. Do you actually have Final Draft, or just a demo to mess around with?  If you're just testing it out, I'd recommend d-loading CELTX.  It's free, and the scripts come out looking pretty much the same as this one, without the watermarks.

Already ahead of you and downloaded CELTX, and yeah I was just having a we play with Final Draft wondering if it was worth the money.

Thanks Mike!

Obviously we have a fan of Halloween here! I actually liked it, although the ending did confuse me a little. You have a few run on sentences and some occasionally bad dialoge, but this was still an enjoyable read. Let me know when a new draft is up and I'll give it a look. 7 out of 10

Quoted from Zack Obviously we have a fan of Halloween here! I actually liked it, although the ending did confuse me a little. You have a few run on sentences and some occasionally bad dialoge, but this was still an enjoyable read. Let me know when a new draft is up and I'll give it a look. 7 out of 10

I'm a big fan of Halloween and its probably a bad thing that it shows... I have finished a re-write of this and just waiting for it to be posted, It has a new ending, a bit more plot through more flashbacks and some other new scenes! Also some people have showed interest in producing the new script ;D

Cool, send me a message once it's finally up. I'm looking foward to reading it.

In the fist scene you write: "Unknown to them, a car is following them." This is an internal idea that can be written down in a novel, but doesn't work so well in a script. It would be more correct to have a seperate (short) scene describing the mysterious driver and his/her car. Done right, I think this would actually add to the suspense. Apart from a few gramatical errors, I liked it, but did find the end a bit confusing.