Braksnen,

This is an interesting piece. There's an honesty about it -- perhaps not the specifics (I don't know), but certainly the feeling it evokes.  

The vocabulary, though, is, I think, a bit common. Still, it's interesting. Even disturbing (and I am not easily disturbed). There's a kind of anarchy to the narrative. I'm not sure if this was intended. I suspect it was.

At the end, I felt the subject (the speaker) was not only angry, but profoundly sad, wanting a parent to parent.

Very interesting,

Seth

This ain't a poem. Sounds like an Emo band's lyrics.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper This ain't a poem. Sounds like an Emo band's lyrics.

Amen, brother.


Cheers, Chism.

Why isn't this a poem? All lyrics are really just poems with music to them.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper This ain't a poem. Sounds like an Emo band's lyrics.

Having read your poem, "let it take you away," I'm surprised that you, someone that employs the same kinda over-the-top dramatics, would describe another's poem as being emo-like.

Both poems lack intellect, irony, and wit. But Braksnen's has something yours doesn't, honesty. It wasn't contrived. It was a felt experience.  

Seth

They gave us a specific subject to write for, Seth. Angst and Depression. It's not usually my favorite subject, in fact, I *hate* thinking about that stuff (Emo-ish stuff), but it wasn't my choice.

That was pretty rude reading a poem and not commenting on it. I understand everyone reads more than he reviews, but since you failed to comment on my poem I am not taking your opinion on board, because I am unsure of how you reached that conclusion.

Truth is, I wasn't interested in Let it Take You Away that much to put much thought into it. That's what I always hated about the contests. They never let you write what you knew best, they forced the subjects down your throat. I said it on my thread, that poem is my weakest piece. Ironically enough, I won 2nd place.

It was like the OWC, but it was obligatory, so it sucked ass . However, it was the only poem I had on my computer so I decided to post it. Much of it was lost in the transaltion from English to Spanish as well, but I still liked how the piece turned out, because I was a fish out of the water in that one.

That being said, I didn't think Sysco's "lyrics" were that bad at all. They would make a fine Screamo song ;D

--Julio  


  

Quoted from ReaperCreeper They gave us a specific subject to write for, Seth. Angst and Depression. It's not usually my favorite subject, in fact, I *hate* thinking about that stuff (Emo-ish stuff), but it wasn't my choice.

A one line critique, describing someone's work as being "emo-ish" is, I think, shallow, flippant -- the very definition of rude.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper That was pretty rude reading a poem and not commenting on it.

I did comment on your poem. I said it lacked intellect, irony, and wit.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper I understand everyone reads more than he reviews, but since you failed to comment on my poem I am not taking your opinion on board, because I am unsure of how you reached that conclusion.

You, yourself, acknowledge that you weren't interested in the poem in question, that you didn't put much thought into it. That said, don't expect others, like myself, to put much thought into a critique.

Quoted from ReaperCreeper Truth is, I wasn't interested in Let it Take You Away that much to put much thought into it. That's what I always hated about the contests. They never let you write what you knew best, they forced the subjects down your throat. I said it on my thread, that poem is my weakest piece. Ironically enough, I won 2nd place. It was like the OWC, but it was obligatory, so it sucked ass . However, it was the only poem I had on my computer so I decided to post it. Much of it was lost in the transaltion from English to Spanish as well, but I still liked how the piece turned out, because I was a fish out of the water in that one. That being said, I didn't think Sysco's "lyrics" were that bad at all. They would make a fine Screamo song ;D --Julio

Fair enough. But comments on *my* poem should go on *my* thread. The way you posted yours made me think you took a look at it *just* to compare it to Sysco's.

That's all I wanted to say.

By the way, I'm not trying to start a huge argument here. That's just how I felt. I've been told in the past that I do come off a bit insulting sometimes, but that's not my intention. My bad.


--Julio

Quoted from ReaperCreeper Fair enough. But comments on *my* poem should go on *my* thread. The way you posted yours made me think you took a look at it *just* to compare it to Sysco's. That's all I wanted to say. By the way, I'm not trying to start a huge argument here. That's just how I felt. I've been told in the past that I do come off a bit insulting sometimes, but that's not my intention. My bad. --Julio

Julio,

You're right, comments regarding your poem should go on your thread. I just thought your comments regarding the poem in this thread were a bit flippant. But, having said that, what you say about another's poem is really none of my business -- so my apologies. I'm sometimes a little too quick to jump in to things.

Seth

Hey man, no need for apologies. It's all good.