Tall Tales by T.J. Hundtofte (death monkey) - Short, Comedy - A man contemplates the best way to tell his wife he's lost his job. < 15 pages - pdf, format 8)

Well, Ootah (If that's your real name ;-))

This was a funny short. I loved Harrison's imagination and the crazy things he thought up of for the excuse he was going to give his wife.

Though I think instead of "CUT TO" you use JUMP CUT if you want to jump from one moment of time to another at the same scene only a few seconds later or so.

Other than that, I liked this. I gave a few chuckles and I liked it.

Sean

Another good effort here.  Harrison's little tale really escalated into the ridiculous side, making for some pretty good humor.  And it's definitely not easy to have humor in dialogue, especially when it's someone just talking to "themselves".  The impromptu audience at the end was a nice touch as well, and served as a good way to tie things up.

I was a little bit distracted by all of the Cut Tos and CONT'Ds, but not enough to where it took me out of the story.  I'm guessing you just have it all turned on in your software, but they're definitely not needed in future works.

Anyway, a solid effort.

Well done. It made me chuckle. The formatting was a bit off but then I can't blame you - being distracted by the exploding copiers and the terrorists and all.  The end was warm and cute and it gave the piece a wholesome family sort of feel.  

This was pretty good I thought.

SPOILERS:

Harrison tell some tall tales indeed.

I liked how he told this totally crazy idea to an 8 year old and then listened to her advice.

My only problems perhaps would be some over description. Especially in the beginning. I also would have liked to know what he did get fired from.

Finally, I think he was a little too happy in the end for someone who'd just lost their job.

This was a good entry however and well written too. :-)  

I thought this wsa good.  The escalation to a totally ludicrous story worked well and the dialogue was pretty funny.  You'd need a hell of an actor to pull this off but, yeah, fun script!  It had that nice harmless family feel to it, too, like it could've been Steve Martin or something.  Haha.

Very creative! I enjoyed your short. The only thing that seemed to bother me was all of hte "cut-to" direction. Stop it!

Great job.

Spencer

I enjoyed this tale as well. Very narratively written as a novel sort of except for the Cut to's, which must be deleted since it interrupts the readers flow. The whole tale he told was funny especially when it went to defeating terroists. But I doubt anyone will believe this. Poor fellow.

Gabe

This was a cute script. All of the crazy things he kept dreaming up...  :)
I would have liked to seen a little more action though. Some things that happened at the office while he is doing a V.O. and making up these whoppers.
Good effort.  :)
Cindy

Haha! This one was great. Short and sweet and the humor felt laid back and natural. Harrison's "tall tale" is obviously ridiculous and completely unbelievable but I think that's what made it great. I wanted to see what he'd come up with next. The twist was decent as well though I expected something to happen along those lines. Perhaps not his daughter but his whole story seemed to be leading up to... something. I honestly didn't have many quibbles with this one. I'd lose the directing but the story and writing worked well for me. Good job.

Cute and short. It reminds me of a commercial, I just cannot remember which one.  Think it was for Kinko's/fedx.  Still, the lies and stories built up well to a good climax.  Good Job.  Was a nice read.  

Dethan

I just wrote a really long review for this iand my computer deleted it.  I'm sure you share my dissapointment, because I'm not going to completely re-do it.  i will give you a re-ash of it htough:

It was funny.

The reveal of his daughter was funny, but I expected more.

I'm not sure Why I expected more, perhaps its because it seemed cliche due to the popularity of "the landlord"

good job

-Tyler

Well, I too would like to thank everyone here for reading.

There's not much I wanna address. The CUT TO's were a mistake. I had never really used transitions other than FADES before I didn't know how to convey the quick cuts in time. JUMP CUTS seems like the solution, yeah. So I learned something.

I think this is the first (and probably last) time I've ever had my work descrbed as "harmless, family fun" haha! I liked that!

But it seems like people were generally satisfied with it, which is a boost of confidence. I was looking to write a < 5 page short before the exercise because I generally tend to always write 20+ pagers, so the challenge came like a godsend.

Again, thanks for reading, everyone.

I liked this one. It was pretty amusing how a little lie snowballed steadily towards an epic tale of heroism and self sacrifice, haha. And adding the little girl was a nice touch as well.

The transitions were a little distracting to read at first since there were a lot, but then I get used to them and the story flowed well.

Good job.

I liked this one the most so far of all the entries I have read so far in this OWE, some really creative stuff here.

For some reason I was picturing Nicolas Cage as Harrison, maybe because of all the hand gestures and stuff, just seemed like a character he would play.

Don't know much more to add other that I thought it was really funny and the end with his 8 year old daughter Crissy, I thought that was a nice touch.

anyways Good job, some really funny stuff here.

Thanks Mr.Z and theboywhocouldfly for reading.

About Nicholas Cage, I actually pictured him as Harrison while I was writing it, so that's cool you picked that up. Well, I imagined a cross between Nicholas Cage and Casey Affleck with his youthful naïveté.

Hey TJ,

I think I missed this script of yours - so here goes.

This was good and pretty funny. I didn't get why he was talking out loud to himself at the beginning but when you revealed his daughter at the end, everything just clicked. You did that very smoothly. There was some really good laughs in there. I really liked the ”screw you, man! I’m ain’t a rat!” line, that was really funny.

Good job here, but what the hell's up with all the CUT TOs and CONT'Ds?


Cheers
Rob

Thanks for reading, Rob. I'm glad it worked for you. I did a heavily re-written version where Harrison flashes back(is that a verb?) to make the story more visual. I sumbmitted that to a contest and I'm thinking about uploading the new draft soon. But it's really almost a different story.

And the CUT TO's are a dead horse, Rob! Stop kicking it! ;)