Too Much To Bear by Zach Wiggins - Short - A man wakes up only to realize he has no control over his actions. 4 pages - rtf, format 8)

Hey Zach

Gave this a quick read.  You could tighten your format a bit, your dialogue margins need to be adjusted.

As for the story...

Interesting story about canabalism or is he a zombie?  Anyway it was ok but seemed a bit rushed.  It could be extended and filled out a bit, this would give it a more atmosphere and make it stronger.  Like I said, I'm not sure of the main story though.  Is David dead or just mad?  Who is Jullie, David's wife?

Anywho it was not a bad read overall, but I feel I might have missed the point.

I helped Zach with this, and am very pleased with the outcome. A few weeks ago Zach came to me and said he wanted to do a zombie script. I told him that he would have to do something "new" if he wanted it to be succesful. He pitched me the idea of the story being told from the zombies perspective and I loved it. This script has come a long way since the first time I saw it. Good job on your first script Zach!

7 out of 10

Interesting concept, and like Alffy said your dialogue margins are a little off.  I've noticed this in some of your other scripts as well.  You should look into CELTX or RoughDraft, both are pretty good free programs, but CELTX is a little better.

Also, it should be BEAR instead of BARE.  When I read the title I thought this had something to due with nudity, and having a spelling error in your title is bad news.  You really don't seem to give your scripts much of an overview after you complete them.

Anyway, a decent read, but could be tightened up a little.  I have no idea who helped you and is posting under your name.

Oooh this was an eerie zombie script...Just the way I like it :)


I like the POV of the zombie, and yet, you show the zombie too. The margins are off, but nothing but a quick fix up and help. I like the ending line too. It was a great way to end it, or to at least begin a much larger piece.

Good work!

Sean

Fast read at 4 pages.  It could have used more build up and confusion on his part... a moment of recognition when he realizes what he's going to do and what he has become.  Both are interesting aspects to new zombies, I presume.  And maybe his transition into the zombie/canibilism world could be shown or explained.

Dethan

"I have no idea who helped you and is posting under your name."- Mike Shelton

Zach Wiggins wrote the script. I'm Zack Akers. I guess that is a little confusing.

Quoted from Zack "I have no idea who helped you and is posting under your name."- Mike Shelton Zach Wiggins wrote the script. I'm Zack Akers. I guess that is a little confusing.

A ha!  I guess I didn't pay attention the last name.

Don't sweat it. This script reads like my scripts do, which is probrably why I like it so much and why you got the writer confused with me (other than us having the same name). Anyways, keep the reviews coming. I'm sure Zach appreciates them!

Thanks for all of the reviews everyone....As for the typo in the title.....Yeah..sorry about that. Can't say that I am the greatest with some of my spelling. I'm glad that everyone has liked the point of view of the main character so far.

"Interesting story about canabalism or is he a zombie?"-Alffy
The main character is a zombie. Near the end it says that Fritz sees David's corpse leaning over Jullie.

"Who is Jullie, David's wife?"-Alffy
Yes Jullie is David's wife.

As for making this script more lengthy..I am not certain at the moment whether or not I am going to make this longer but it is definitely a good possibility that I will.

Thanks for all the reads and keep the posts coming : )

These little shorts are almost like telling a joke.
I giggled at the end.
There are a few formatting issues and I think you could put a little more  in it.
Having said this it was short and "sweet!!"