Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone would look at my newest short film? It was used for my senior exam in my photography class. Also, I feel as though I haven't been doing my part around here lately. I need to read more scripts. If anyone has any short horror, action, or thriller scripts, I'd be glad to read them and post a review. I look forward to feed back on my movie. I hope you guys enjoy it! Thanks.

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v5332579j3A3FnW

I gave your little movie a look.

I must say I did not see the point of it at all. There was no plot, really. Just a guy who dreamt he couldn't escape from a trail. There was no real conflict.

I think you got some pretty good shots in nature, but there were way too few cuts and too much jerky camera movement. If you make something a still shot, don't suddenly tilt or pan the camera, because it ruins the illusion and makes the viewer aware that it's in fact a camera at work.

My teacher in high-school once told me to "kill my darlings", which I found to be invaluable advice in writing and expeically editing films. All the stuff that's an inside joke between you and your friends, or that you think looks cool but has nothing to do with the plot needs to go.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of camera were you using?

The camera is a 2R800 Canon DVC, not the best, but's it's all I've got. Thanks for watching it!

I gave this a watch and I am not too sure what the main point was.  I know it was for an exam though.

As for the day-mare, I thought it was alright.  The shots of the brother walking down the path, I thought were very well done if a little too bright at times and I never really noticed the cuts between shots either.

I'm also not sure what the other brother was all about?  What's with the head butting the wall at the end?  Made me laugh though!

The entire movie was made to be pointless. We finished the trail scene first, but we felt like we needed more. So I grabbed my younger brother Anthony and we shot all of the bedroom scenes. The head butting thing was completly improvised, and Anthony actually cut himself doing it. Thanks for watching!

Bet he regrets doing it now then!

A little, but I don't! I laugh every time I see it! And as for the outside "paradox" scenes, I was surprised at how well they turned out. You have to really look for the jump in the transistion of the scenes to find one.

Pretty much the same comments as everyone else, you even stated it was made to be pointless. other than that the editing was good, I liked the camera trick where the kid goes into the woods and is thrown out the other side.

Thanks for watching. I hope you enjoyed it!

Hello, not being rude, but if it was shot to be pointless, then what's the point of posting it?  I'm all for people posting their work and whatnot, but when they say things like the pointless thing, for example, it's just annoying.  Stand behind what you've done, man.  Lie and say "THE POINT OF THIS IS TO AMUSE YOU FOR 5 MINUTES!" Better than pointless.

Same with people who say "My script sucks. Will someone please read it?"  It just drives me CRAZY!!!!  

So yeah, it was a goofy piece.  Kept me amused for 5 minutes.  See, key word: Amused!  Merry Christmas, Zack Akers.

I understand what your saying Greg. What I meant by "pointless" is that there wasn't much of a plot. I should have used better wording. When ever some makes a film, it's supposed to amuse the viewers, that's why I didn't say "THE POINT OF THIS IS TO AMUSE YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES!". Sorry about that, I'm gllad you enjoyed it!

Yeah, I thought it was probably just a wrong word.

Remember, you don't want to wind up like Rahim from  "On the Lot" where you're talking about your piece and you come off like some ball-less hack.

Good job, Zack!  Happy New Year!

No I don't! Thanks for the help greg. Do you have any short scripts I can read in return?

That's okay, dude.  No need to read anything in return.

You can give me some money, though, if you want :)

Sure. Have a nice, virtual 5 dollar bill! ;D

That was OK...very little plot, but still...I don't know. It just seemed like this one lacked any spark to make it unique.

"Zombie Attack" had no plot at all, but it managed to have a little spark that made it better than it actually was...the black/white and music. This really didn't have anything.

Although, the ending scene when the shirtless kid runs out and freaking slams his head into the door!! *!* ah! That was hilarious! Did that guy mean to do that? Because it looked very painful! Ah...sweet, dude...absolutely sweet.

Sorry to be so harsh...I just didn't find anything in this that makes it stand out.

-Rubix

That's okay that you didn't like it. I don't expect everyone to. The kid hitting his head on the wall wasn't planned, that's why it looked so real! Thanks for watching!

Hey, Zack. Great effort here, dude! Keep traying, because filmaking is a hard task.

Okay I watched it.

I would say that this short film suffers from the same problem as that short script of yours that I just read. You must have a story, otherwise there's no point and people get bored. You can actually get away with poor acting, filming and sound if the story kicks ass, but you have to have a story.

I know this was made on the fly for an exam, but I bet you would have got an even better grade had there been a  story somewhere.

I didn't get why that guy kept falling all the time. I know it was just a dream, but when I watched it I thought he was either drunk or having seizures.

Anyway, good luck with your stuff.  :-)

Pia

Thanks for watcing Pia and Helio! Everytime a make another movie I always learn alot more. I plan on making a longer short for my next film, which means that I will soon start looking around for a script(probrably on this site). Hopefully I continue to improve as a director.

We learn averyday, Zack! Keep walking, my friend (woops, I'm sorry Johnnie!)

Thanks for the support Helio!

Welcome zack! Btw, when a character gets out by the right side, he has to enter in the next scene from the left side!

I actually did that on purpose, notice how that scene is all one shot? I tried to create a twighlight zone feel for the film.

Hmmm... ::)