Justin and his Mom by Helio J Corderio - Short - It is about son and mother who resent each other and have no one else in their lives. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Having only read the synophisis my initial reaction is: interesting prospect.

Just got to the dream scene with the mother burning, up till now it's just been another Helio story, a good and very real situation which just screams "twist ending!" but like that's it. ...Now, when I read the dream scene and found out that it was in fact a dream and not real (I thought Justin had set fire to the trailer to kill his mom) it caught my interest. This was very well done.

And here we have the trailer on fire again! And we totally think the mom's inside but then we find out she's outside! I really aplaud you on your ability to add a good twists to a scene.

As for the ending, I half expected a twist in the ending too but didn't get it and I sort of look at that as a twist, if you know what I mean.

I always enjoy these shorts Helio, keep them coming!
And take a look at "Knockaround Guys" just posted in the shorts section. :) That short means a lot to me.

Helio, my friend. You have created another master piece. Great story. I can really see your writing improvement over the past year.

Spencer

Hey, Daniel and Spencer!

Spencer, I hope to get an oportunity with the Indians like you! ;-)

Yeah Daniel, I thought to write another twist at the end, but there were two of them and they seemed to me enough. Thanks for you kind words, dude. I'll read your short soon, wait a little bit, okay?

Hey Helio,

I just read your script. You have quite a story packed into those 11 pages.

SPOILERS




I liked how you showed his frustration by him peeing on insects and blasting them away. When there's abuse, it usually carries on to the next generation in some way or another. He really didn't want to take care of her, but he felt he had to, and then again, he really did love her, too.    
And the mother, I really felt so bad for her. I was beginning to believe that she actually set the fire to burn herself up in... giving up on her life.
The twist at the end was good, too.

I liked this one Helio. It was a good read.

Cindy

Helio,

Pretty good story here. I guess we both like burning trailers. :-)

Sadly I know people who live in similar situations and it's not pretty. I can't say I was crazy about Justin, but at the same time I understand his frustration in life.

Ethel, well I do understand her situation in life and it's not a good one either. However, I do believe that no matter how much help you need, it's never right for a parent do be that dependant on their kid. She's essentially robbing him of a life of his own. That particular scenario I have seen up close in real life and that's the saddest of all, I think.

I agree with Cyndi about him peeing on the bugs and stuff showing his frustration. Good little detail.

The ending makes it seem like things might pick up and get better for them, but if you think about it, how will it really change? The insurance policy was for the trailer, right? Well, the trailer was a piece of junk so they wouldn't exactly get a lot of money for it. Usually insurance policies will only replace what was insured with something equal in value, I think.

Anyway, good story Helio, sorry I got hung up on details. I do that sometimes. ;-)

Nice little story. I agree with the others about the twists all over the place.

The ending kind of surprised me, but I like it.

Personally, I think the money from the insurance could be only a minor motivation for the mother to set the trailer on fire. (I agree with Pia about the limited payback there). However, getting rid of the trailer forces them to change their life, getting rid of their drama-filled old life, and maybe get a fresh start?

Hey Helio

You captured Justin's frustration at his dead end life perfectly.  Like Pia mentioned, Justin can see his life ebbing away looking after his mother and he resents her for it BUT he loves her and so takes on his responsibility.

The dream, I'm not sure I got why Justin is having them and not sure if they're a warning to him or whether they have more significance.

I guess the whole point of this is to show the love between mother and son and the sacrifices we make in life for our family, job well done then helio.  I liked this.

Hi Cindy, Pia,  MMCheese and Alffy, thanks you guys for your coments!

I've to say that my dear Breanne gave me a little help in it because my English is not good. Thanks Brea!

BTW, I forgot to say it was my 50th short script! Cheers!

50!!! shorts, jesus Helio don't you have a day off.

Very nice work.  I like the duelling character arcs where Justin has to let go of his hate for his mother and Ethel had to move on past John.  There's a nice economy of action that I've seen you use in the previous shorts I've read of yours.  It's almost like seeing your name makes it a must read, as I always finish satisfied and fulfilled from a story and character perspective.

EBurke73! Thanks a lot. I'm so...you know...

I think my participation in this very nice site made me happier and younger. I have just one or two or three words...Thanks a lot to everyone that have dispended its time reading my works.

Thanks!

Oh, thanks to all that lost its time helping me fixing my bad English!

Cheers
Helio

Your 50th short script?!

Wow!

Keep it up Helio. I always find them to be entertaining.

Cindy

Thanks Cindy and Alffy!

I'm sorry Bert to past my scripts list on here. It is just to show that my 50th script is real:


SHORTS

1. No

2. The soldier, the child and the dog

3. My dear loo

4. Criminal Mind (Vine leaf) (with Si Dunn)

5. Gardenia's Perfume

6. Buck's Burger

7. Moms in the zoo

8. Diabolical Fishing (The Trunk)

9. Hell the last station

10. The news

11. Jesus last moments

12. Hello, Mr Einstein

13. Stormville I

14. Stormville II

15. What a day!

16. Flowers to Lisa Mansel

17. The Fish Bowl (with Spencer McDonald)

18. Unity of Opposites (with Kevan Craft)

19. Meanwhile, in a kingdom, far, far, away

20. Why is everyone always shooting at me?

21. The man that killed Bambi

22. Charlotte and the Camel's Toe

23. Still and Smiling

24. The Toothless Dog

25. Happiness Road

26. Back to Shawshank

27. A Certain Sunday Morning

28. Things of Life

29.  At the end of a family barbecue

30. We love you, nuts!

31. Stereotypes

32. The award goes to...

33. General Incredulity

34. The Cab's Tales - She screwed him up

35. Save The Tanuguins

36. Milkman's Will

37. The Milk's Killer

38. Gunslinger

39. The Cab's Tales - Speak Slowly, please!

40. Xmas Tales - A Lone Hand

41. Hunting

42. That's The Girls

43. Chao and the Democratic Party

44. The Cab's Tales - The Heart in the Right Place

45. Once Upon a Time in a School

46. Cielito Lindo (with Daniel J. Toemta)

47. A Bombastic Party on the Sea (with Pat Fitzgerald)

48. Kowabunga!

49. Very, Very Lost

50. Justin and his Mom


PLAY

The daily life of a dead man (Comedy/Drama)

Great job Helio!

Like others have said, you do a great job of packing a ton of story (even some back story) into a mere 11 pages.  I really felt for the characters and was so ecstatic when I finally found out that Justin didn't resent his mom.

Keep the shorts coming and I'll keep reading them!  Two thumbs up!

Jonathan

Hi Jonathan! Thanks a lot man for your kind words, dude!

Aw, what a cute little short.

The first half is dismal and sad, very tragic.

But you end on a nice high note where the potiential for hope is made all the more potent by contrast with the misery and filth and hoplessness of the begining.

A nice balance.

The writing and the format was excellent.  

Hi Glenn, thanks a lot for your comment, dude !

Touching story helio. Congrats on accomplishing your 50th script. I enjoyed how you lead your readers to think of one ending and then surprised them with a different ending. That twist was good.

I think most of the mom's dialgoue can be changed to contemplative looks and the son doesn't notice.  

Hope this helps,
Gabe

Helio my man, you're crazy! 50 shorts?! I have alot of work to do if I'm gonna catch up...

I liked this one alot Helio. The characters were very real(you should give me some tips on character development!) and the story was nicely fleshed out, especially for how short the script was. I felt very bad for the mother, and I was pleasently surprised by the ending! All in all, another day, another good script from Helio.

~Zack~

P.S.- Only fifty more scripts until you hit the 100 mark!

Hi Gabe and Zack! Thanks, dudies!

Gabe, I apreciate you advice and will think about it. Thanks

Zack, man, thanks! I don't remeber when I started to disturb SS people  and Don Boose, but if I don't drink too much and my healty stay okay maybe soon I will hit the 100 mark soon! Of course some scripts are very, very short, but I considere them one idea fro movie anyway.

I'll take this oportunity and say that were people like Mike Shelton, Phil Clark Jr, Robert Newcomer, George Willson, Gregory, Higgins, Gabe, Breanne, Pia, Spencer, Kevan, Michel, Chris, most recenply You and many others that I haven't metioned here (forgive me, palls!), were my main motivation to write and I decate this mark to all my friends from SimplyScripts!