Son of a Gun by Jay Mayo - Short, Action - A teenager learns a great - and disturbing - secret about his family after he becomes the only one left. 16 pages - doc, format 8)

Hey Jay,

Welcome to Simply Scripts.

Thought I'd give it a shot.   My recommendation to you would be to:

*Focus more on the story, not the camera angles and such.  
*Write what can be seen.  

Example
"burning alcohol slowly trickled down his throat and his belly" won't be seen on screen.  If you want the audience to know it burns  Art needs to react to the shot letting us know that it burns.

* Everything should be written in present tense.      
Example
Art sits down not
Art sat down

Check your words ending in ed or ing.  Replace them with present tense words.  

That should give you a start.   (O:

Cindy