City Bus by Ben - Short - Anna gets on a city bus to her destination. Will she get off it?  3 pages - pdf, format 8)

It was alright.  I say "alright" because nothing really happened and there was no real build up.  I know she died and stuff, but all I thought was "whatever" because we didn't really know who she was or anything like that.

I think this one needs to be at least 2 pages longer.  It wouldn't hurt to have her take her seat and look around at the different people, build up the atmosphere and then the stuff can happen.  

Also, I don't know about where you live but where I live, bus driver's don't care where you're going.  They have specific stops they have to stop at and they can't venture off their path to let you off.

The formatting and dialogue was okay for the most part.  The only thing that's lacking is the build up of the main action.  Fix that and you have yourself a pretty good script.  

Normally, "(V.O.)" is typed beside the character's name.

Hope any of this helped.

Thanks Hoody!

This was a personal test to see if I could create effective suspense in a few pages (I also made mystery within those two pages - well, attempted to :P).

I'm writing a a full length mystery/suspense script atm so this was a test of my abilities.