Hi there S.Ramlal - was scouring the boards looking for a good vampire script to read, and stumbled upon yours.
Question - the board posting calls the script "Thristy For Blood" but the actual script is "Married With Dracula". which is the correct title?
Your logline sets up the conflict and from the opening it's obvious there will be a struggle within Dracula...but sad to say I could not make it past page 5 of the script. It seems that English is a second language for you , is that correct? If so it's admirable that you did complete 124 pages of very dense dialog and direction, however, it's all very ropy and clumsy with hard to read or believe speeches from the characters.
The direction as well is poorly written and awkward, badly staged. You have thick ongoing paragraphs that are conversational in tone and don't properly describe what needs to happen in any easy to follow format. You seem to have grasped the basic style of formatting for the most part but, what is written is all wrong , here are some examples:
A boy, named Clint and a girl named Lucinda were going to
make love in a caravan. She is yet a virgin. They are
indulging each other and when the great moment is there,
Clint climbs on Lucinda.
Dracula is disappointed and roars as he flies. He looks
where he can get fresh blood to suck.
She stares at the ceiling and after some
moments when she thinks that Clint can be dead, she looks at
him.
CLINT
What! A vampire?
LUCINDA
(getting herself back)
Yes, he wanted to bite me in my
neck.
CLINT
Don’t talk rubbish, it must be some
thief.
LUCINDA
No, I have seen him, he was a
vampire, believe me.
CLINT
Let us not argue on that, I think
that I have to see a doctor. He hit
me hard.
Dracula is just looking at her and doesn’t approach
to byte her. He can see through her dress and sees her
beautiful curves and small breast. And when he looks down,
his eyes are fixed at her hairy heavenly vagina
That's the point where I stopped reading every line and began to skim. You have a million ideas but every line, each bit of dialogue is stilted and unbelievable. I have to admit I kept asking myself if this were a joke.
You have a brave bold first attempt at a screenplay ( am guessing this is a first attempt?) and you want to tell a story you have given lots of thought to, but I urge you to read more screenplays, study them, study dialogue, structure, how to write and pace action, then go back and rewrite this start to finish.
Best of luck, keep writing.