The Monkey's Paw by Craig Younkin - Horror - There is a Monkeys Paw that can grant any wish you would like it to. Only the result may vary from what you expect. Based on the short story.  107 pages - doc, format 8)

Do monkey's have paws?  

The first thought that jumped into my head here was an episode from an old British comedy called 'Ripping Yarns' and the episode titled 'The Monkey's Claw' which brought bad luck to everyone who owned it.  Unfortunately I don't know how this one turns out because I stopped reading after a couple of pages.

I suggest you read a few scripts here Craig to check on your format, you write things that can't be shown like Joel and Melinda being parents of a child.  Also you include camera directions which distract from the read.

Also I read the first 10 pages and I have to say that not much happens, you need something to hook the reader/viewer.  You got 10 minutes of a family talking about nothing exciting and end with the dad waiting to hear about a promotion.  We need something exciting in here or we won't go any further sorry.

The Monkey's Paw was written in 1902 by WW Jacobs.

You can find the original story here: http://gaslight.mtroyal.ab.ca/mnkyspaw.htm.

Hi Craig,

I read through about the first ten pages of the scripts and I had some suggestions. On your title page, only put your title in upper case letters and underline it, there's no need to put the title in bold letters. Also, on the title, before you submit it to agents/producers, make sure to put your WGA, Copyright info on the bottom left side, and your contct info on the bottom right side.

Also, when writing your scene headings throughout the script, make sure to write them like this: INT. HOUSE - DAY, or EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

When revising the script, on the first page, perhaps you could give us a little more description of your characters? What age are they? And when you write their age, don't be exact, just general, like "forties" or "thirties".

I saw one place where you used POV, is there any way you could revise your script to get rid of the need for any technical descriptions?

I do have to disagree a little with Allfy's post, while there's not much of a strong opening, there is potential. I think one of the problems is getting rid of anything unecessary in the script and getting right to the point. In the first ten pages the audience/reader should get some idea what the story is about. The dad is waiting on a promotion, okay fine, think of how you could explain this in one page instead of seven?

Also, on the first page, there's no need to write they have a son named until we see him or hear about him in dialogue.

I wish you the best.