Venus: Planet Of Terror by Brian Christopher (jfsbastn) - Sci Fi, Satire - The United States Space Agency has assembled a crew of legendary space explorers charged with the task of exploring and garnering information about the feared planet of Venus! This valiant team is soon put the test as they find that we are not alone in this universe! 111 pages - doc, format 8)

Okay? What is going on? I know it says satire but it doesn't make sense. Beyond the overly descriptive character details (do we really have to know where everyone falls on a height line?), awful dialogue (swell, golly?), and situations that will not happen (a Commander and a bunch of enlisted men playing dice in the middle of a gov't hallway), is the actual story.

It reads more like a unfunny screwball comedy (I'll admit that I only made it 10 or so pages in) than a satire on American Imperialism, which is what it seemed like you were heavy handedly going for.

Although it's out of context, I jumped to about halfway through and the on-the-nose dialogue is everywhere. People saying exactly what they are going to do and even worse, exactly what they see. I'm sorry but I can't get into this.

Thanks for the comments, Souter, but I'm still not sure. Did you like it? :)  The description should point out that it is a 50's sci-fi style which may explain some things (the dialogue in particular). I am looking forward to more comments, good bad, or otherwise.

Honestly I didn't. The dialogue's explained more in the vernacular when in the context of a 50's sci-fi and I guess that's why they would think asbetos is such a great material. But it's not close to clearly presented that way. Plus other parts of the story would not be keeping in that style. The female officer having (drunken) anounymous sex seems out of place and more of a modern (at least starting in the 70's era) thing. There seems to be no real time context.

Oh and if you're looking for more comments, you should also make sure to get out there and read other people's scripts. I see you're new. After you've been here for a while you'll notice a lot of people just write a script, find this place, post it expecting everyone to jump at it, and never bother to become part of the community. Don't be that guy.

Quoted from Souter Fell Oh and if you're looking for more comments, you should also make sure to get out there and read other people's scripts. I see you're new. After you've been here for a while you'll notice a lot of people just write a script, find this place, post it expecting everyone to jump at it, and never bother to become part of the community. Don't be that guy.

I certainly plan to  -  I just discovered the site. I think it's a great idea.