The Office: Charity Walk by Brian Winkeler - Comedy - This script takes place early/mid-way thru the second season of 'The Office' (U.S.). 25 pages - pdf, format 8)

hey, i thought this one was really funny (great inserts, especially the 'labor day' one, and jim's wisecracks) and you know the characters well.  two things: 1-i think you should try and streamline some of your decription (mainly with the inserts).  and i also feel the climax needs more work, maybe punch it up a little more.  i was also confused about 'sight for psoriasis'.  psoriasiis is a skin condition, but it doesn't cause you to go blind (or, i've never heard of that).  other than that i feel this is a tight script, and it's close to being complete

Cool, thanks for your notes.

The "Sight for Psoriasis" gag was basically just a play off of the endless charity walk fundraisers that pop up each year (many elements of this script were based on actual events from one of my previous jobs). And though psoriasis and eyesight have nothing in common, I thought the play off of "sight for sore eyes" would be just ridiculous enough to be an actual event name.