This story has been told a million times. The part about the convenience store was a nice twist, although I felt the conversation between the store clerk and Brad was unoriginal. He explained everything too easily and readily. There were also many grammar and format errors. I'll highlight some examples.
Quoted Text In the distance the figure of a MAN standing near a BUS STOP is seen holding a BROWN SUITCASE. CUT TO: EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT The BMW suddenly stops. The MAN steps back cautiously. CUT TO: INT./EXT. BMW - CONTINOUS The MAN crouches down to look at Brad. He is well-dressed in a KHAKI COAT, wears a BLACK HAT and is clean shaven. |
The use of CUT TO: between every scene is unnecessary. It's also INT. or EXT., never both as in the INT./EXT. as shown above. Also, make sure every scene heading has DAY or NIGHT. Some of yours don't.
I notice you putting several things in all caps, which is incorrect format. Only characters being introduced and sound cues appear in caps.
When you introduce Samson, you introduce him as MAN, then he changes to Samson. Introduce him as SAMSON. It's okay if your character doesn't know who he is, but we need to know.
This is not a word.
Quoted Text I’m can dig country but I’m really into rock. Classic rock that is! That shit they listen to nowadays is not my kinda thing if you know what I mean! |
You over use exclamation points and underllines. In the example listed above, I imagined the guy screaming the line. Save these for when they really count.
Quoted Text What’s good than praying to Jesus on his birthday. |
Not sure what this meant.
Quoted Text He opens the GLOVE BOX and takes out a CAN OF COKE. He opens it and takes a huge gulp. |
Who keeps a can of Coke in their glove box?
Quoted Text Maybe he’s dreaming maybe he’s not. |
I use this as an example because of two errors. How can "maybe he's not" be shown? Also, it should read: "Maybe he’s dreaming, maybe he’s not." There are many comma abuses throughout.
Quoted Text OFF SCREEN we hear a repetitive ping. |
Why would it be off screen? Isn't the ping in the car, just like our characters? Maybe say:
A PING comes from the dashboard.
Quoted Text The CAMERA moves down at the gas meter. The NEEDLE points to EMPTY. |
Avoid camera direction in a spec script. Just tell the story.
There are many more to mention, but instead I will refer you to a screenwriting book titled
The Screenwriter's Bible: A Complete Guide to Writing, Formatting, and Selling Your Script by David Trottier. Keep writing!