Hand That Feeds by Duncan Samarasinghe (dunksta) - Short, Horror - A mother and her two daughters trapped in a cave must consider the unthinkable to stay alive.  11 pages - pdf, format 8)

This story sort of reminded me of The Descent in a way...probably because it had to do with creatures and a cave, but the opposite...sort of. It took me a while to figure out this was in the future...I should have gotten it when they set the explosives at the mouth of the cave and caused a collapse.

One thing you want to avoid is "We sees" and "We hears."

What's with the numbered scene headings? You plan on filming this or something?

From your logline, I knew they'd have to start eating someone. When I realized they were going to eat the soldier's arm, I thought that was going to be it. But then as the script neared the ending, I was like, "Okayyyy." The ending sort of irritated me, though, because they went through all that trouble to clear out the A-pods and they end up finding three dead people. Seems like a waste of three people plus soldiers, there. Ha ha.

Sean

Hi Duncan, just read this and not too sure what I thought really.
Like Sean, I got 'The Descent' in my head from the first scene. I don't know whether you set it in the future to try and make it different to that, but it didn't really affect the story.
The dialogue for her daughter saying she's pregnant seemed a bit sudden and didn't really fit. But then again I've never had to tell my mother I'm pregnant haha so wouldn't really know.
Was a little confused with the scene numbers aswell.


                             SPOILER
I was expecting a different ending. The soldiers mistaking Helena for one of the creatures and killing her. To be honest though I think the end was the only part that could do with a little work. Why would she have a look as if she's just seen heaven?