If Walls Could Talk by Jeff Helton (flashback67) - Comedy - Selfish and egocentric, Coil Cambridge has everything, women, cars and a home. As a Wall Street trader, he spares no time for anyone but himself, not even for his two teenage kids from two different women.  But when he accidentally asks for a wish to hear “walls” reveal intimate information to him, he abuses the ability to gain power but also gets more info than he bargains for which opens his eyes to the things he has let pass him by.  110 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Jeff, I'm 20 pages through your script and am hoping for some laughs soon. Just thought I'd say this now, "Man....if walls could talk" isn't making a wish so it's kinda blown the whole rest of the script. Gonna carry on though and I'll let ya know what I think.

Ok Jeff I've just finished your script and the story and idea is pretty good but I didn't really find it that funny. It seemed to be a mixture of slap-stick and the walls all seemed to be poor comedians from the 80's. That said there were a funny laughs but it just wan't consistent enough.

The thing that really annoyed me tho was your descriptions. You tell far too much which isn't neccasary and is pretty insulting, comes across as if you think the reader is too stupid to understand you. Worst one was;

"She kisses Coil intimately.
By this gesture, it appears as if they are trying their hand at a relationship again"

The first sentence is all you need and I nearly stopped reading at that point, but only had 6 pages to go.

I think the wall characters need a little work too. There's a great chance of giving them all their own personalties and you could get a lot of humour from that. When he's arrested I thought you would have had a funny scene in the cell with him talking to the four walls.

Good idea mate and congrats for finishing it but I think you could improve it and make the script as good as the idea itself.

Ste