Book Cart Coming by Alfred Rodriguez - Short, Drama - Being the new inmate on the block, Jones discovers one thing, the book cart coming, may not always be what you expect. - pdf, format 8)

Bravo for the original idea!

It took me two reads to find out what was going on, but I liked it.

I suggest you make the third act (page 11 to the end) a little clearer. After reading those pages a third time, I'm still not sure what happens afterwards.

Having the floating paper is a nice image, but it doesn't tell us what happens next. Is Jamakus dead? Should I read these two books to find out?

I like this one a lot. However I’m not that keen on the last act. Up to that point you’ve got a nice two character thing going on and I think it would be better if it stayed with them to some different ending.

One line in particular struck me as odd – “I can't believe I have something to pacify my neurotic thoughts.”

Philip

I thought that line was odd, too.

This one was good, though the ending was a bit odd. There are some unanswered questions like why Jamakus was doing whatever he did and what the symbolism of the floating papers at the end was.

A lot of the dialogue was a bit odd and unrealistic, and you don't need to include "we sees" in your descriptions.

Sean

OK this was two stories.
I was enjoying the Old Man Porter story then it was interrupted by the irrational Bomb story. It's almost like you're watching a series and it cuts to a different episode half way.
I was really enjoying the the first half. The second half didn't live up to the first.

  Just off the top of my head.

  Too sharp a reversal.
  Jones made a bomb expert after the reversal.
  Nothing to set up the problem with Porter.
  
  All this could be fixed with more pages but as a short story it's perhaps too ambitious.
  
  

Giving Porter someone to interact with via the book cart run was a clever way to ensure that the OWC theme was used through out your story, so kudos for that. However, as others have said, it was okay until Jamakus arrived. I don't see why Jones would want to extract revenge on him for Porter.  It wasn't like they were that close. If I was you I'd stick with Jones and Porter until the end and try to write an ending that builds on the first half of the story.