One Last Time by George Galanakis - Drama - Five different people, five different stories, one common aspiration - suicide. 101 pages - pdf, format 8)

I am not a professional script writer or anything...so I will not be of much help.

I was intrigued by the logline. i imagined a film where the audience follows the distinct lives of five individuals, and somehow the individuals' actions all tie together at the end. However, I couldn't get past the first few pages. I just didn't seem to make a connection.

I'm sorry when a person takes the time to complete a feature length screenplay and post it for review and no one responds, so thanks to the above member of digging this one up.

I've read 10 pages, and I have no clue what this story's about. I know from the logline that it's about suicide, but if I had to judge from just the first 10, I would have no idea. If your piece is heavy on a particular theme (i.e. suicide), then you need to get that across right away. Instead, your story meanders along, jumping from one character to the next without anything to really hook the reader. There isn't a button to any of these scenes, and they don't seem to follow any pattern or rationale. It's all just a confusing jumble so far. You may have a killer script that really ties in at the end, but if you can't get people to read past the first 10 pages, you're not helping yourself.

But congrats on finishing your screenplay, and having it written and formatted properly with no glaring misspellings or typos. You've succeeded where many others on this site have failed.

You shouldn't dig old scripts up like this.  This one was posted two and a half years ago; the writer is probably not on the boards to read your comments.


Phil