French Onion Soup by Melissa - Short - Sanne, a funky, bold, care-free girl the shy, charming Vance. He adores her, but she's not interested. She tutors him in French and brings out the unique part of him by showing him a new perspective on life. He learns to see more to love than infatuation. 12 pages - doc, format 8)

I didn't understand this script at all. Your descriptions need a lot of work. At times they we lacking and at times they were repetitive. The dialogue was weak and confusing. The only thing in your tag line which was present in the story was Sanne tutoring Vance in French. How old are these people? At times it seemed like they were 12 and at other times they could have been 18. Just my two cents.

Great name for a script!

I know we are not supposed to get hung up on the format but you are a little non-standard and it makes it harder to read. In particular your introduction of the characters delays the beginning of the story. It shouldn't matter but readers like instant gratification.

Your use of parentheticals is non-standard but you can make that work if it is your chosen style. Typically though it is better to tell the story visually through the actions.

The structure of your story is a little weak because there is not much at stake. It is a nice romance but it needs to be about something more than that.

Philip